MY DH cried this morning. Breaks my heart...

SDianeL

My DH, a Vietnam Vet tough Marine cried this morning at breakfast. He said he didn't like what was happening to him and he was afraid. He's stage 4 with some behaviors in stage 5 already. He's never been afraid of anything. When someone you love and lived with for 38 years says that to you it breaks your heart in two. I hugged him and he looked at me and said "thanks for doing that" -- when he usually would push me away. For the last month or so he's been very angry & agitated and yelling at me when I try to help. I hate this disease. I hate what it's doing to him and to us. Just need a virtual hug today.

Rocky2

SDianeL, This disease is often scary for both the PWD and caregiver. It must be very hard to see the fear in your warrior DH. I'm not a marine, but I am retired Navy. So, to some degree, I can relate. Thank you for your compassion and for being his " battle buddy". You provide him strength and confidence by your caregiving. Sending virtual ((( huggs))). I salute you as you fight this together. You are not alone!

Tom

LauraCD

You both have hugs from me. My DH and I are early into this and cry often. I almost wish he didn't know what was happening. I do wish I could give something to my husband to, at the very least, ease some of the wrenching emotional pain of the realization of what is happening,

Seeing here that others are experiencing the same provides some connection but does not lesson the deep sympathy and empathy I am experiencing for others, for my own DH. I salute you as well. Take care.

Laura

Ed1937

I'm sorry. These are the times when you might wish for anosognosia, even though it will probably make your job somewhat harder. To say this disease is cruel would be an understatement.

Mint

(((SDianeL))) (((DH)))

Joydean

Sending you both hugs! My dh was Viet Nam navy (brown water) and our son was Marine in Iraq. Peace and strength to you!

Denise1847

Sending you hugs. I am so sorry. My DH was a marine with a tour in Viet Nam. He acknowledges the memory loss but doesn't grasp the disease process and for that I am very grateful.

Sandias

SDianeL - BIG (((hugs))) from me to you. I have a cousin who was a Marine and served in Desert Storm.

toolbeltexpert

(((((SdanieL))))))

And thanks to all who have served

Quilting brings calm

It might help to get him some anxiety and depression medication. My mom cried a lot until we got her on sertraline and mirtrazipine. It wasn’t the first medication we tried. She still knows she has memory issues, knows she’s confused a lot, still has symptoms but at least she’s not crying.

Beachfan

6 years into diagnosis and 7 years prior to his passing, DH was “observing” the dismantling of our home of 32 years so we could downsize, live closer to our daughter, and better manage his progression. He was compromised to the point that he could not actively participate, but sat quietly while the kids and I sorted out the remnants of his 43 year coaching career- - letters, cards, photos, newspaper clippings, trophies, etc. He stepped away and I found him sobbing in the backyard, pacing, and muttering, “I was a good person, I was a good person.” It broke my heart, but sadder still was my 6’ 2” retired, battle hardened, Marine Colonel son, holding him and crying as well. It was one of the saddest memories I have of this disease. It still makes me cry, remembering, these many years later. Hugs to you. Stay strong and God bless.

Mint

Breaks my heart and makes me cry too. I’m so sorry for all the pain.

mrahope

So feeling all of your pain. My DH has cried as well. It's so hard that a person with a post-doc and veteran of very active (read sometimes violent) student movements in another country now can't remember where he put the scissors he just used.

ButterflyWings

Tearing up here as well. Our PWD LOs just lose so much, as do we in losing them. I am so grateful my DH has anosognosia, though I remember when he did not - and a couple of our early conversations then, let me glimpse his pain and likely despair. So much deeper than mine as he knew how things would end, having watched and helped his dad go through the same horrible disease. And of course, he is the terminal one. Not me, though I am doomed to the irreplaceable loss of the love of my life.

I wanted to mention though, sometime after DH had no awareness (which happened pretty early in Stage 4), he went through a tearful phase that didn't seem like he was sad or hurting at all. Out of nowhere, he would just spontaneously cry, sometimes when music was playing or with no apparent trigger. No words, no sobbing or sniffling -- just tears welling up, spilling over, and trickling or even flowing down his cheeks. Vietnam vet. Eldest son. Strong shoulder for any and everybody for as long as I've known him. Definitely pulls at the heartstrings as everyone has said.

It worried (scared) me at first, but he'd just wipe them matter of fact like he didn't even realize he was teary. I asked a few times, and he assured me he was fine and didn't know why that was happening. There was no depression or despair, and nothing was hurting him physically that he couldn't explain. Dh was very lighthearted in his responses, so I felt sure he wasn't silently suffering and trying to hide it. He couldn't have at that stage anyway. But he also could not control it, so I just kept the tissues handy until we got through that waterworks period. It wasn't sadness thank goodness, I'm 100% sure. Some other automatic physical response. But it always made me sad anyway.

Sending (((hugs))) to all you caregiver warriors and LOs, including those in Stage 8 and your LOs now free.