LONG weekend

sandwichone123

My spouse has been in assisted living (memory care) for just about a year now. Our birthdays are both in August, and we've always taken a trip for our birthday. I checked him out, along with all his meds, and we left town, to go about an hour away. He was out of the facility maybe 27 hours. I take him out every Sunday, so it's not really unfamiliar, but man! I forgot how exhausting it is!

When the waitress comes I want to let him order if her can (we've discussed what he wants) while correcting/answering followup questions. He can still go to the bathroom, but I have to be alert when he comes out to make sure he doesn't get lost. And all the while I'm appropriately answering "oh no!" or "that's great," to statements when I have no idea at all what they mean. If I can't figure out if it's good or bad I say, "oh wow." He lost nouns pretty early, but he's lost a lot more speech in the last few months.

Our weekend went well and we had a great time, but I was so drained afterwards. I haven't cared for him full-time for a year and it was just so tiring. I have respect and admiration for you all who care for your loved one full-time.

Sandias

sandwichone - so glad your birthday weekend went well, and that you still could celebrate with your DH. It is draining taking care of someone with dementia for sure. No doubt about that.

'oh wow" sounds neutral to me, neither good nor bad. It's like saying "really?"

Joe C.

It’s great that you were able to spent the day together to celebrate your birthdays. It is real challenging to take DW out of the MC these days as she now longer understand how to get into a car but I’m planning another luncheon outing this coming Saturday to celebrate our wedding anniversary.

M1

I'm glad you were able to do it sandwich...my partner gets disoriented even when walking around the MC facility, if she's not in her room she forgets where it is, and if she's in her room she doesn't remember where the kitchen/dining area is. So I've been reluctant to take her out...we've been out twice in May and June for doctor's appointments, and that's about it. But I take picnics most weekends, and that has been very nice--we go outside in the courtyard to eat, weather permitting, or just eat in her room. She loves it, I bring her favorite cookies from Publix, cashews, little treats like that along with lunch and it works quite well.

Ed1937

I'm glad you both had a good time for your birthday trip. That's something else to remember that was good, even though draining for you. I hope you can do it again next year. Happy birthday to both of you.

ghphotog

It's a guessing game and exhausting trying to interpret what my wife is trying to say. She'll ask me a question that makes no sense whatsoever but is looking at me expecting an intelligent response and that I heard and understood her. All I can do is guess "yes" or "no" or "I don't know hon" and hope my response it is correct. If not she'll just look at me and accuse me of not listening. If I tell her I don't understand what's she's asking she'll just start crying or get mad.

She's not in MC yet but hasn't been able to find her way around the house for the last two or three years. I have to lead her by the hand to the bathroom all day long so I can't imagine how lost she would feel in an MC facility.

My mom on the other hand can be very challenging. I'll check her out of MC once a week and take her to lunch, spend time with her doggie but it's still a battle to try and take her back. She's on Zoloft now for about two weeks. She seems somewhat sedated but more confused. Maybe she just needs time to adjust. It's exhausting trying to take both my mom and wife out somewhere but for the most part is fairly uneventful.

A. Marie

This may be an unpopular opinion. But for what it's worth, I feel that if loved ones are far enough along in the dementia process to need institutional care, checking them out for any other reason than a dire emergency will be confusing for the loved ones and distressing for you. By the time I checked my DH into skilled nursing in June 2021, he didn't know jack about what day it was, etc. I just brought him treats on the significant dates, didn't disturb his routine, and experienced my heartbreak on my own time. Your mileage may vary--but give this some thought, if only for the sake of your own sanity.

White Crane

I'm sorry it was so draining for you but glad you had a nice birthday for the both of you.

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sandwichone123

Thanks to all! He was able to enjoy the outing a great deal. My philosophy is to care for the caregiver and to do what brings joy to the PWD in the moment. I know people don't remember things, but I do think there's often sort of an emotional resonance that brings joy even after the memory is gone.

I also know that there will come a time that outings will not bring joy, but rather stress both parties out. Next year perhaps we will be there--I just give thanks that this year we were able to get out and have fun.