I just had spine surgery

lizblock

I’m worried how my husband is dealing with this. I feel like he needs more support but I don’t know what that would look like

Jo C.

Hello Liz, and a very warm welcome to you. My husband is recent post-op laminectomy with fusion and it is not the easiest recovery, but progress is being made each day, so I understand.

Having a surgery on top of being caregiver for someone with dementia must be very difficult to say the least. Do you have a support system with others who can pitch in a bit for you?

Can you tell us about your husband - what his challenges are, any behavioral issues as well as the difficulties you find yourself facing. With a bit more information we can be helpful with suggestions based on experience.

j

M1

Have a lot of sympathy, I'm hoping I don't end up in your boat. Are there family members--or even friends or church members--who can pitch in with your DH while you are recovering? Depending on his stage of dementia, he may not remember that you've had surgery or be able to appreciate the implications. You may need to get home help--you can tell him it's for you (which it is in a way) even if the point is for them to keep him company while you recoup. As Jo said, more info would help--keep us posted.

Ed1937

You are in a tough spot. Please don't try to do things you're not supposed to do. The risk of injuring yourself is just not worth it. I hope you have someone who can help with whatever you both need. Recovering from surgery is not a picnic, even in the best of circumstances.

Denise1847

I hope you recover quickly and successfully and have no further pain. I had a fusion and decompression in 2021 and it was rough. My sister stayed for one week but that was it and my DH was not much help. The surgeon says I need another surgery but that is just not realistic for my situation.

Whatever you do, please take care of yourself.

Jo C.

Hello Liz; I have been thinking of you and wanted to drop in to say hello. I also wanted to give you information regarding the Helpline at the Alzheimer's Assn. which may be able to answer questions you may have regarding managing your husband's needs with the special circumstances you are now experiencing.

The Alzheimer's Assn. has a 24 Hour 365 days a year Helpline that can be reached at (800) 272-3900. There are no fees for this service. If you do call, ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant. The Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics.

They are great listeners and of much support. They also have a lot of information and can often help us with our problem solving. A person can call the Helpline as much as one wishes and as said, there is no fee.

I so hope that each day finds you healing more and more from your surgery, do let us know how you are doing; we truly do care.

J.

lizblock

My husband doesn’t seem to care about me. I feel so alone and I feel like I always will be as far as my relationship goes with him. I’m having a decent recovery, so much that my insurance company denied my request for acute rehab.

people in the hospital are great but they often don’t follow through. I’m sorry to be so down but this is how I feel today

my husband is recently diagnosed and is capable of a lot but he has become tone deaf to my needs. I’m contacting friends to be more connected but it’s hard.

thanks for your help

Marta

Lack of empathy is one of the hallmarks of the disease. It means you can no longer count on moral support from him - a very lonely place to be. Are there others in your life to whom you can turn? I hope so. You now also have the many terrific people on this board to turn to.

lizblock

I am using other people now to help. I ordered groceries on line and someone is bringing bagels. Things are better now that I have accepted the situation for what it is.

Denise1847

Can you ask your neighbors and friends for help? I find people are willing to help if you ask. The just don't know how.

I was washing windows the other day, and my DH says to me "don't hurt yourself." Totally no empathy, but I don't expect it anymore. I find it has made me stronger. It just takes time.