Out of sight out of mind

JDancer

We still have a land line phone. Our system is old and the phone constantly displays a message stating there's a new voicemail. My husband was obsessed with it. Checking the phone dozens of times per day looking for the voicemail that isn't there. Last week I cut a piece of duct tape and placed it over the "new voicemail" display. He hasn't checked the phone since. Win!

ButterflyWings

JDancer, Congratulations on the win! You win the troubleshooter, lightbulb, or "aha" prize for today!

It is funny how many times I have overthought (or under-thought I guess) what might help redirect a loop or fixation that was driving me crazy. One thing your brilliant duct tape solution reminds me of, is the day I finally thought to just close the darn closet door. It was always open, with one of those hanging shoe racks on the outside of the door and the hanger thing that fits over the top of the door, preventing its closing. DH had full access to everything in his closet, every day. And he made "good" use of it.

Back story, my DH went through a phase like some PWDs of changing his clothes repeatedly and in our case, it was usually some version of fully dressed suit and tie like he was going to work. Because he was! -- or at least trying to. Dirty shirt under clean one, buttons not quite aligned, stain all over the tie and jacket might not match the slacks but he was getting dressed to go come h3ll or high water. Repeatedly. Interesting thing: with the tie he always remembered to leave the loop intact, just slip it over his head and he didn't have to attempt to actually tie his tie. Go figure. Mind you meanwhile I'm fast-talking or tap-dancing, trying to convince him not to do any of this, disappearing 3 or 4 of the shirts and hangers he's strewn on the bed to make his choices, etc. But hard as I'd try, if he was fixated on getting ready to go, that was that. You all know the drill.

Then, some of you may recall he was out the door, down the stairs, and en route (on foot) to wherever, whenever. Exit seeking, purposeful wanderer on steroids. He still has that instinct but just can't execute it that quickly anymore, thank goodness.

That was seriously one of the most stressful times of my life. Stage 4 and anosognosia in full force, and they almost got the best of me for sure. Many days. I eventually learned here to hide his shoes, and thankfully that was a big win as he still so far will not leave the house without his shoes on. So, it bought me some time many days to figure out a distraction or treat or SOMEthing to redirect him from leaving while he looked for at least 1 pair of his many shoes that I hid away hurriedly. Note: Stuff is all over the place in secret stashes around here. (Can't imagine the task when I finally have to restore some sort of order and set his and my things to rights one of these days. I don't want to rush Stage 8 but the finders keepers, sorting and disposing or whatever... that will be a chore I am not looking forward to).

Back to my lightbulb solution to fix the endless dressing, changing, trying to escape. It came out of the blue one day. Now that I've reflected and am writing all this out, I think it was his first hospice nurse's idea actually. She said, why don't you close the closet door? (Duh). Hadn't really thought of that yet lol. So, I removed the empty hanging shoe rack, shut the closet door and Voila! like your answering machine miracle, DH forgot the closet was there. Out of sight out of mind. Congrats again.

Ed1937

Simple solution, big reward! Congrats on making your life a little easier.

Just Bill

Thank you for sharing that story ButterFlyWings I can relate to your experience. Hiding stuff so it doesn't get hidden is a normal thing.

Joydean

Congratulations on your big win! It seems strange but when one of our forum friends have a win we can all celebrate!

Denise1847

I read that if the PWD tries to leave the home to put something on the door (like the same color as the walls) so that it doesn't look like a door.

My DH is now in the habit of wearing the same clothes and underwear every day. In the evening, I put out new underwear and socks, then I remove the shirts he previously wore and put them in the hamper. I think he just can't locate the socks and underwear.

White Crane

My husband was obsessed with the temperature reading on the air conditioner thermostat in our bedroom . He drove me nuts night after night! He couldn’t go to sleep because he was constantly calling out the temperature. One day I just pulled the curtain over the thermostat reading. He’s never gotten upset about it again.

M1

I have a landline too--metal farmhouse roof limits cell reception in the house, and there is an elevator (nice feature thanks to my contractor partner) which has a phone in it for safety. The suggestion from this forum to simply turn the ringers off was brilliant and simple and kept my partner from responding to all the scam and robocalls. Sometimes we can miss the forest for the trees!!!

Gthoma

Isn't duct tape just the best? I've had to put it on the air cleaner and our internet router to hide those pesky little lights!

tiredandlonely

Although you’ve handled this nicely, and I know this comment misses the point of your post, it’s likely that you have voice mail with your carrier and not on a physical answering machine. If you don’t know how to access, call your carrier. Checking voice mail will clear the displayed message. (I have a U-verse landline, Panasonic phones and that’s how it works for me)