My dad has dementia and is getting worse every month. I need someone to talk to.

danjfoley

My dad has had dementia tia for a while but this year it's getting much worse, and worse by the month. My sister has out herself in charge of finding a facility for my parents ..which I am grateful for.. my parents live 10hr drive from me as does my sister. We are all spread apart. The idea is to move them near my sister as she has young children and mine are in high school and college.

My dad gets admitted to the hospital often for chrons related kidney issues, and now he is in for an infect which is the worst it's ever been. My mom has to leave him for the night and he says he's scared and consumed when she is not there with him.

I'm sad. I cry. I think I'm going to get a call that it's not going well that he is going to die. I think even if that is not the case I'm losing my dad either way. And I was never very close to him to begin with so I feel bad about that. I just visited them and I have always had a hard time just talking to my dad so it's no different now.. it's even harder and I feel bad that I could put more effort into talking to him

I see there are online support groups but they are all for caregivers. I'm not a caregiver..I'm just the son of a dad who's mind is going away.

I'm not even that close to my sister so it's make this all so hard. Sometimes I wish they lived near me but that is just selfish I know my sister's is probably best for them.

Anonymousjpl123

@danjfoley welcome to the forum. I have been on both sides - caring for my mom in another state, and being the primary caretaker. What I can say is for me personally, they both bring different challenges and heartache. I too was not that close to my mom. When I was in a different state, I felt so much like you. My family is not super close, so this was all new.

think of what you want - how you want to be involved, how you can help, and what level of engagement you want. A lot can be done from afar, and maybe you can make the drive once every few months. I can promise you that would still go a long way.

i made a 6 hour drive to my moms a lot before she moved near me. I was exhausting, but I did it. And still i wasn’t the main caregiver because I didn’t live there (another family member did).

its ok to feel sad and devastated no matter where your parent is or what your level of involvement.