Attending funeral with dad who has dementia

Olly_Bake

My first cousin passed this week. The funeral is tomorrow! I want to attend because not only was she my cousin but was a good friend. However, if I go, dad will have to attend in order to not be left home alone. The sister that lives in dads' home with him has already made plans to attend but only told me after I asked her a short while ago.

The positive of taking dad is he would get to see people that he has not seen in a long time and vice versa. He can remember many faces at this time. He also likes to go on drives and can help (can't do alone) himself get in and out of vehicles. But at times, he does not want the rides to end and gets upset when it's time to get back in bed so I can come home. Hubby and I often gets a verbal lashing behind putting him back in bed after a drive. He still things he can get himself in and out of bed.

The negative is if this thing goes to taking too long and is not appropriately controlled and takes more than a couple of hours. We will have to drive an hour to get there. I will have already drove 45-minutes to get to dad's home. Then an hour or so to fix meals so he can eat and then I get him ready.

Another thing is I am at a 7-day work week driving down (45-minute commute) to care for dad since one of our aides quit so I'm kind of already exhausted but don't want to miss and don't want to cause a problem for dad.

I'm trying to decide here and so so very torn.

Hoping you all can see this and give some words of wisdom. I'm trying to see how to make him and myself comfortable. Some relief would be if I stay at home with dad and do my usual but would feel guilty not paying respects. Then I'll also be wondering if sister is going to do the right thing and come back home in time enough to give me relief so I can come back home and be ready for this next long week.

Jeanne C.

I'm sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Honestly, I wouldn't take him. Your family should understand and you can pay your respects at a later time.

ButterflyWings

During the pandemic, many services were offered online or hybrid via (YouTube). Might that be an option?

M1

Agree with the above. I wouldn't take him. You can make it a gift to your sister that you let her go and you be the one to stay with your dad.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't take him. My mom, against my advice, took dad to the funeral of his brother's best friend. Dad had known this man since he was about 12 and saw him occasionally on golf outings before dad retired and moved away. There were many familiar faces there and dad was happy to see people, but he kind of forgot why he was there and was inappropriately festive which upset the widow, their children and my uncle who was focused on these close friends.

HB

Olly_Bake

Thanks to all of you who took time out to share your thoughts. Highly appreciated!

My husband, daughter, and I decided to attend the funeral and take dad. It weighed heavy on my heart and thoughts for quite a few days as mentioned in my post.

Thankfully he did wonderfully going, coming, and at the funeral. However, we did not attend the entire service and made it just in time to hear a short teaching and solo. We sat at the very back of the funeral home toward the doors in case we needed to exit.

It ended fairly quickly though after that portion of the service because the pastor took ill and an ambulance was called. We waited out in the lobby for a while allowing him a short time to visit with family and friends as others did (but away from the big crowd) until the ambulance left with the pastor.

After that, my family got dad back home and we did not participate in anything else.

Thanks again for listening and weighing in!