Dealing with Family Members

Spstone0078

Hello, I need help with dealing with my sister who puts a lot of stress on me regarding our mother's care. She decided to move to Florida 1 year ago to take care of herself, understandably, because she had cancer. Her doctor encouraged her to quit working and to avoid stress. I'm the primary caregiver for my mom, but I do get a lot of help from her friend, some help from my brother, and we have a CNA 3X week. I feel that my sister is very critical of me and I need to know how to deal with her. For example, she was here recently to visit us and told me that she had a list of things for me to do for our mom. This makes me so mad!!!!

CaliforniaGirl-1

Of course you are mad!

When my mom was living near my sibling and I had my mental list of things I thought should be done differently , I kept reminding myself that my sibling was the one on the spot, dealing with the emergencies and all the day to day issues and my part was to be supportive and make sure I wasn't adding to the stress, even if I thought I would do things differently. And I could tell my sibling was at their wits end.

Now that my mom is living near me, I tell myself that even though I am the one on the spot, having someone to share the burden and discuss it with is priceless and all the lists of things are my sibling's way of trying to help and show their love. And yes, I feel criticized but I am working hard not to take it that way and be defensive because I remind myself of when the situation was reversed.

Nothing is more infuriating than someone handing you a list of things for you to do when you are already doing so much.

Quilting brings calm

Just thank her for the list, and then put it off to the side. Peruse it at your convenience and then throw it away after your sister leaves. Maybe she will have a good idea… or maybe not. Nothing says you have to do what she asks… unless she has the POA.

[Deleted User]

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