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Bathing concerns

amycpr
amycpr Member Posts: 1 Member
My father was diagnosed over a year ago with ALZ. He lives in an independent living facility. Through the last year, his hygiene habits have really declined. He refuses to shower. His main methods to bathe have been sponge bathing, but that seems to have diminished as well. He's received OT/PT, has safety measures in the bathroom (chair, non-stick strips on the bathtub floor, plenty of safety bars, and pully if he needs to call for help. He just doesn't see the point in bathing. He gets monthly haircuts and mani/pedis in his facility. I'm at my wits end. We're trying to hold out as long as possible with assisted living. I've asked Home Health to come and support him if needed, but he's refusing their help when they come. Any other ideas? My father is very polite, but his stubbornness with this has become beyond concerning. Any ideas on how to make this better?

Comments

  • calmmorn
    calmmorn Member Posts: 30
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    Hi Amy, your father seems to be at the stage that my mother was in just a few years ago around the time that we got the diagnosis of AD. Refusing to bathe is a very common symptom of AD and was one of the first things that tipped us off that something was going on with mom. It turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. My mother was always very independent so was compensating in ways that masked a cascade of other changes.

    What I interpreted as my mother’s stubbornness and refusal to take care of herself was actually that my mother had lost the ability to independently carry out these activities of daily living. There are lots of threads on helping with bathing and other ADLs on this site which you can pull up through the search toolbar. However, if your father has been diagnosed with AD, I think the bigger question is whether independent living is the appropriate level of housing for him. In my mother’s case, at the time she was diagnosed, I think she would have already been beyond AL and approaching needing memory care level support. Not knowing more about your father’s situation, it is difficult to say but there are other considerations such as his ability to manage his finances etc. There are many folks here who have much more wisdom and experience than me who can offer more insight to your questions. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Welcome.

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Member

    Hi amy and welcome. As much as you don't want to hear it, this means it's time for memory care support. It is in fact very common--even in memory care, my fiercely independent partner is very reluctant to let anyone help her but me, and I'm lucky if I get her in the shower once a week. There are mutliple factors---when you read about this, showering is in fact a multistep process, and most PWD have difficulty remembering the steps and need at the very least verbal cues; but it's also highly sensory, and being undressed and wet (and many times cold) also contribute. Even though it's a waste of the facility's water, I turn on the overhead shower way ahead of time so it's nice and steamy in the bathroom before we ever undress. There's a handheld too, and that's useful for washing hair.

    Sorry you are facing this, none of it is easy.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,594
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    He's not living with a level of support appropriate to his current stage of dementia.

    The tanking hygiene and refusal to change clothes is usually seen in stage 6-ish which is more appropriate to a memory care level rather than independent or even hospitality-model AL.

    HB

  • JEANNIEMAC
    JEANNIEMAC Member Posts: 1
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment
    Member

    My HWA has been in a MCF for about 4 months. I have cared for him for about 10 yrs, 6 diagnosed with MCI and now ALZ. He is on meds to keep him calm, which I was not prescribed and did not give him at home. He hates being showered or anything invasive and rants, raves, swears, throws, rattles doors, breaks things. I am so worried about him and the Caregivers are very frustrated. It takes two people - -the director and head of carepartners about an hour to shower him. He needs it more often. I can tell when I visit almost every day. He smells bad, his hair his not clean and probably doesn't get a proper washing of privates. So, what do I do?? They have asked us - -me and daughter, who is POA-Health, to do it because they can't. Seems wrong to me as I am paying dearly for his care. Is this normal?? How do you get someone like this combative man to behave and take his shower???

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more