Hearth breaking

livlea

So Mother 92 showing signs of dementia, we went to meet geriatric doctor to perform memory testing .

After all the testing , doctor said she has a short term memory profile , showing signs of Alzheimer disease with delirious thoughts she was prescribed Risperidone 0.25mg once a day.

she does not want to take it …

She is extremely suspicious, thinking EVERYBODY is out to make her insane and crazy , she does not believe she is losing her memory, blames situations, people etc.

She is living alone in a Senior Residence, still able to cook, dress , wash etc. Does not want our help, but calls one of us almost daily to burst about papers lost , accusing us calling the reception desk to check up on her

Will the medication really change her thoughts?

Will she ever come to trust someone ?

How do we tell her she is failing ? And how can we help her ..

any insight appreciated

gampiano

Hello,

This is a tough one, because your mom is still able to perform her daily activities without assistance. My mom , whi lived to be 103, was still pretty competent at 92, but she was very suspicious of caregivers, and, eventually, of me, and this was heartbreaking. She was having episodes of delerium at night, and was prescribed lorazepam, which did help somewhat. If your mom starts with the new med, someone should be checking in on her for side effects. Who is managing her finances?

This was a huge problem for me, as my mom would not give up control.However, we did have an account where i was put on as a signer. This is very important.

Also, make sure your mom is tested for a UTI. They can make elderly people absolutely bonkers... and they re occur frequently in women.

Good Luck,

I have SO been there,

Maureen

Iris L.

You do not tell your mom that she is failing. This is because she has anosognosia, a characteristic of dementia that causes the PWD to be unaware of having dementia. She truly believes that she is fine, and sees no need for doctors, medications or changes in her usual routine. You will have to learn to use work-arounds that the members will teach you about.

I suggest that you spend a weekend with your mom to see how she actually functions. Do not rely on her self reporting, because she will insist that she does everything perfectly. Be on the lookout for burned pots and burned food, also spoiled and expired food in the refrigerator. You will have to prepare yourself to make changes FOR your mom. She is no longer able.

If she refuses meds, consult the doctor and pharmacist about crushing medication to add to food or coffee. Read a lot of threads and post often.

Iris

gampiano

Hi Again,

I agree with Iris. It wasn't until i spent 5 nights at my mom's house that i realized how serious her circumtances were. She was up and down at least 8 times a night, going back to the bathroom 15 minutes after she had just finished, talking to unknown ghosts from the past, being confused. You can only get the full picture if you stay there for a few days.

keep us posted,

Maureen

livlea

Thank you so much for your replies ,

My older sister from out of town just spent 2 weeks with her , it was a disaster, after 2 days, Mom was convinced that my sister was there to report to us how bad she is !! That we wanted POA to lock her up and take her money !

Sister said she has a system of managing that seams to be working , but if you move anything even an inch over, she would get confused and angry and since she is starting to loose short term memory she blames it on the fact that my sister was there .

She would accuse her of stealing papers etc. by the end of the 2nd week , Mom would stay in her room for hours, she wanted my sister to leave but did not want to hurt her feelings , so sad…

I had POA for years and was managing part of her finances , but she wanted to keep an eye on her statements, got confused with the internet transactions and then was convinced that I was stealing from her bank account, she went to the notary , removed my POA , changed bank , all we have now is a Protection Mandate once she is declare unable by a doctor and a judge , till then …nothing

Iris L.

Your mom is exhibiting paranoia. She is in an advanced stage of dementia. You and sister will have to step up and do what has to be done. Mom is unable. She needs protection from herself. I am unfamiliar with the term "protection mandate." Are you outside the U.S? You may have to consult a geriatric specialist for appropriate medication if the paranoia becomes distressful for mom. In the meantime, read about soothing and calming techniques. Read a lot of threads.

Iris

livlea

She will be starting a low dose .25 mg of Risperidone today , will see if that helps her delusions …

last days , she was in amazing spirits, just so unpredictable !!!

not sure about the stage , she is still able to feed herself, wash , dress , etc .

so we wait

MN Chickadee

You may be able to get Risperidone  in liquid format to hide in a treat to make sure she takes it. PWD usually lose the ability to appreciate their brain damage and think they are fine, no logic will work. Find fibs and workarounds to get things done. She does not sound safe on her own. I would consult an elder law attorney about your options to gain guardianship. If she ever lands in the hospital ask for a geriatric psychiatric unit stay to figure out medications to make care possible. If her behavior ever becomes a danger to herself or others call 911 and have the EMTs take her to the ER and from there geriatric inpatient psych for a few weeks. You need to get a handle on her meds and paranoia before anything else is going to be possible. I would imagine the housing complex will make noise about her having to move soon and then you'll be in a big rush. She will start to put others at risk or at minimum disturb others residents in some way.

livlea

Her mood completely shifted in the last week !

UNBELIEVABLE , she is calm, happy 😃

I will write a new post about it …

BeesKid

My mother has dementia delusions for several months accusing me of various things I haven’t done. Within the last couple months her delusions and paranoia seemed to have increased. I was contacted by law enforcement about allegations that I am abusing my mother stealing from her and withholding her mail. Then I find out that one of my moms ex-coworkers recently has become more involved with mom & has gained her trust feeding into her delusions and has contacted all financial institutions and companies she has felt with including social security. Informed them I am committing fraud and has filed police reports against me saying that mom says she doesn’t have a POA (which I do). What to do what are my options? I thought I had her well insulated from scams. It the ease with which this person was able to play up to Mom’s dementia delusions and basically take over her life undoing everything I have done as a caregiver is terrifying. I’m worried about Mom’s safety and well-being and her financial future. This really came as a surprise and I look like the bad guy. Please help I don’t know what to do here

Anonymousjpl123

I’m so sorry for what you and your sister are going through.

My mother went back and forth between being happy/calm and paranoid/delirious. It is very frightening and hard to manage when someone swings from one end of lucidity to another.

That being said, getting POA is crucial. Then, the best bet is getting her placed somewhere for care (if that’s an option). If it’s not, 911 and the ER are always an option.

It may feel terrible to have to “override” your mom and take such drastic measures, but it is what’s best for her when she cannot care for herself. I cannot stress enough the importance of talking to an elder care attorney or expert - call the Alzheimer’s association hotline if you can’t find one in your area, they will direct you to info. There are resources available never be ashamed to make use of them. I called the Alz hotline like 3 times in the beginning of this journey and it helped enormously.

BadMoonRising

Beeskid,

This is crucial: Did your mother revoke the POA and submit a copy of the revocation to the banks?

livlea

I had different POA documents

One was for the bank only , she revoked it , closed her bank account , transferred all her money in another bank to be sure

Another was with her financial planner , it was a signed document between us , she has it revoked .

I also had a general POA that she signed ,she destroyed the original but I still have a copy of the signed document ..

BadMoonRising

If she destroyed the original and informed you that she had done so, the copy is no longer valid. Would her physician be willing to state she did not have the (mental) capacity to revoke the POA? If she's pretty far gone, you may need to ask a court to place her under a conservatorship and/or guardianship. (Some states use the term conservatorship for the financial side, others may use the term guardian of the property, etc.) Time to contact an Elder Law Attorney.

BadMoonRising

^^^^^ Sorry, livlea, I thought I was responding to Beeskid. But still...maybe this applies to your POA, as well?

RoseGwen

the medication is meant to help her feel more calm and less agitated, but she'll have to try it out to see how it works for her. First off, for her age, she's doing great. I'd be quite proud of myself if I made it to my 90s and could still do those things for myself. The goal is to help her feel better; to make it so she isn't so suspicious and upset so often. The medication could help, but again she needs to try it and see how it works for her. But there are other possible ways to help her be calm, like doing art or listening to music or any sort of activity she likes to try to keep her mind occupied on happy stuff. I think it would be a fine idea to try some non-medication methods like that as well, if you and her other loved ones or caregivers have any creative ideas. Like, what makes you feel better when you're upset? Can she do a version of that? Finally, if she calls and says something was stolen from her, try to take what she says at face value and be like "oh my gosh! that's horrible. I'll make sure I find it and get it back for you" instead of "nobody stole anything". Because she'll get more agitated if she feels like people don't believe her. Just play along a bit and then try to transition into a calmer topic.