Activities for LO with Dementia/AD

JudyVE

I am new here. I am caring for my DH who was diagnosed about 2.5 years ago, although I believe the disease process began years earlier. He was always an avid golfer and belonged to a summer league. Last summer he began having trouble keeping up with his golf buddies, and this year he gave up the league entirely. A neighbor took him to practice putting & such, but DH has declined recent invitations. His other social network was the gym, where he took group classes and had many friends/acquaintances. He stopped going to the group workouts. He does still go to the gym - since he no longer drives I take him and I also have to help him with working the various machines.

How do others deal with their LO dropping out of activities that they used to enjoy? How do you keep your LO engaged socially?

gampiano

Hi Judy,

Every case is unique. My husband was an avid fisherman and boater. He had buddies but they all aged out, retired and moved away, etc. We are at the stage where the only thing he shows interest in is going for a ride, a little shopping, and of course, all this takes place with me. He was also officially diagnosed 2.5 years ago, but he has been showing signs for at least 6 years, now that i am able to reflect back and realize what that slow gait was all about.

We tried a day program for a few months. He didn't like it, but i observed many who did, and that would be a way for your husband to socialize and exercise as well. It's worth a try. I'm talking about a Memory Cafe, or Day Program geared for folks with memory issues. Contact your Council On Aging for resources.

My husband still enjoys nature, loves the birds and even the squirrels, also other animals but that's about it. As time passes, we are all living with strangers. It's quite the adjustment.

Maureen

Iris L.

President Reagan raked leaves every day. At night, the Secret Seevice would rescatter the leaves for him to rake again the next day.

Iris

M1

Welcome Judy. I think the social withdrawal is pretty common and try as you might, there's probably not a lot you can do about it in the long run. I marvel at the folks at memory care who willingly participate in group activities, it reminds me of parallel play among toddlers. None of these activities are anything my partner will engage in. She will take walks with me, sit in the courtyard, visit the cat if i take her down to his hangout, draw with me if I'm there- that's about it. Otherwise she spends a lot of time in her room rearranging the contents and repeatedly "packing up." Sad to say that she is fearful of the other residents for the most part and doesn't want to engage. Those with wandering tendencies or advanced aphasia she actively avoids. She won't even sit with a group to watch television.

harshedbuzz

@JudyVE

This is another sad challenge of dementia.

Dementia is about so much more than memory loss. There are also losses things like executive function, spatial reasoning, auditory processing and social skills/filters fairly early on. As the disease progresses, there is often a dependence on their primary caregiver as a source of comfort in a world that doesn't always make sense, scaffolding of skills that are no longer automatic, and entertainment when other avenues no longer work for them. Their world becomes smaller. This apathy is harder for caregivers in a lot of ways than it is for the PWD typically.

I am not surprised the golf interest waned. Golf is hard-- it requires stamina (outings can be 4+ hours long), visual processing and can include a lot of group banter that's difficult for them to follow. It gets to a point where it's too much work. Dad's PA golf group was the first to ditch him; he was never a good golfer despite playing 5 days a week but early in dementia he was irritable and socially unfiltered and no fun to be around. Mom moved dad to a home on a golf course in MD in retirement and he burned through the new golf community there socially in about a year. Same thing happened in FL when they started spending half the year there.

My dad had always been a hyper-social person doing stuff. But as dementia worsened, he not only became less successful at the activities (golf, shooting range, deep sea fishing, dining out) he became less fun to be around and folks stopped inviting him. IME, people who have not suffered a cognitive shift aren't interested in socializing with 2nd-tier friends who have. Dad had 2 good friends who stuck with him, but even his brother was playing up the fact that they were "only half-brothers" who didn't really grow up together.

Social interaction is always suggested as part of best practices, but it's hard to translate into real life unless you have a large functional family or a couple of friends vying for sainthood. This can be hard on the primary caregiver who not only has to assume all of the household responsibilities formerly done by the spouse, but also operate something of a sleepaway camp for one apathetic camper. Some caregivers hire an aide/companion to engage their LO in activities like the gym or hiking. The trick is to present the person as a trainer or hiking buddy rather than something that smells of babysitting. Day programs, presented as "senior club" or even a volunteer opportunity, can be helpful in providing dementia-informed error-free activities to engage PWD and help them feel successful.

HB

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/180537#Comment_180537

well said. thank you.

SDianeL

My DH also was diagnosed 2 years ago but had behaviors for about 3 yrs. He is angry & agitated so socializing isn't an option. We are working with the Geriatric Psychiatrist to get him on Risperidone but he can only take low doses due to previous heart issues. He has bad knees so walking or exercising is out. He lost all interest in anything except TV and he gets aggravated because he can't work the remote. Even family gatherings are no longer a social event for me because I'm constantly watching him and worrying he will say something inappropriate. So far I haven't found anything he wants to do except go for a ride in the car and that is pure hell. He chatters incessantly and tells me how to drive and makes me a nervous wreck. He spends time rearranging every drawer, cabinet & pantry. He will help me clean, do the dishes and take out the trash (after he reorganizes it in the bag) 🤒 so I use those things to at least get him up and moving. Keep us posted if you have any successes. This is such a terrifying & heartbreaking disease.

Iris L.

HB is right, socialization for a PWD is best one-on-one with an understanding person.

Iris

terei

About the only thing my mother would do is sing or dance to music + I dont think she cared if anyone else was there or not. Apathy + a reluctance to engage with others is many times just a part of the progression

MN Chickadee

You might try an adult daycare. While it was hard to get my mother adjusted to it (she hated it the first 2 months and it was hard to get her to go) once she settled in it was very good for her. She came to adore going and wanted to go the minute she got up in the morning. They were good at coaxing her into activities and finding activities for everyone and she was able to socialize in a setting that was designed for dementia. She was socializing with the staff as much as the other clients. Staff were intermingled in all conversations to keep it going, allowing people to contribute however they could. Interests, hobbies and friends all start to wane with dementia, hard as it is for the family to accept. There comes a time when they do very little and it's hard to watch.