Parent living on his own

jefftan123

My dad is 93 and living on his own, 2000 miles from my brother and I. He just started having delusions last week that people had been in his apartment, he had a job that takes him out of town, altho he’s not sure how that happens. We’re meeting with someone from the VA on Monday, who’s been helping him with aid and attendance. She said that it’s hard to remove him from his home if he doesn’t want to go. He is definitely lucid a lot of the time but his delusions have gotten worse. Any help is appreciated.
Thanjs

M1

Welcome to the fourum. Jeff if you don't have power of attorney, you may be up a creek. You need to talk to an elder law attorney--preferably in the state where he resides--to find out what your options are. You may have to pursue guardianship. Have you spent much time with him to see how he's really functioning? that is many times recommended. Things may be worse than you think....

MN Chickadee

Has he been diagnosed with dementia, and if so what type? If he has not done a full work up yet with a doctor that would be something to start with, and also rule out UTI. They can often be otherwise "silent" in the elderly and only manifest as weird behavior. If you don't have legal paperwork in order for power of attorney call an elder law attorney in his state immediately. If he is not deemed competent to sign a POA now you may need to pursue guardianship. The elder law attorney can advise the best steps to getting control of decision making and also help with financial planning for his care, how and when to spend down assets, what he may qualify for in terms of veterans benefits, state Medicaid, etc. Once you have the legal authority to make decisions on his behalf you will have to coax him into care if that is the direction this goes. Most of our loved ones did not go willingly. We have to use therapeutic fibs to get them into the care they need. Call it temporary, the doctor ordered this "rehab" to get stronger or work on that bad hip, there is a problem with the furnace or plumbing at the house but you can stay here until it is fixed etc. If he is combative then working with a doctor on the right medication to even him out and make his quality of life and ability to be cared for may help. The long term plan should be moving him to your area or whoever the decision maker is going to be. Long distance care is nearly impossible with dementia, getting him into a care facility near the family will be important. Again, more therapeutic fibs. He's coming for a visit, for a holiday etc. You don't tell him you are selling his house or any of the behind the scenes stuff. If you can provide a bit more information on his current diagnosis and legal state we may be able to give more precise advise. Hang in there and let us know how things go.

towhee

I agree that he needs a doctor visit immediately if you have not done so. Are you currently at his location? If not, and if you are unable to get there, you might look into hiring a geriatric care manager in his area.