Limbo

Just Bill

My wife is in hospice. It's a full service from medical comfort assistance to non medical stuff including lots of end of life decisions. Two days of different people calling and coming over dedicated to helping me keep my wife comfortable and prepare for her passing. I have contacted both our families with the latest development and everyone is doing what they do when they hear news like that. More phone calls lots of tears. I am the family philosopher helping certain members of the family deal with their grief. In dispensing all my grief relief philosophy I have over prepared emotionally for her passing and I am ready and I just want to get on with it. I am not pacing back and forth like a vulture waiting for her to die. I am caring for her as if she isn't about to die. I cannot help feeling in limbo between grief that she is passing and relief the nightmare is over. One door is closing and another one is opening. I seem to be stuck in the hallway in between the two doors.

Mint

Bill glad you have got hospice to help you. Understand the two mixed feelings you have.

You take care

jfkoc

I too understand. While dealing shattering pain when my husband died I also felt relief....

Battlebuddy

Hospice used to mean six months or less. During my husbands first six months Hospice was sure he would pass during that period. But it ended up being two years to the day that we had Hospice. He would decline just enough to stay on.

Your situation can be completely different. I also think there is nothing wrong with being ready. How ever long Hospice is on board you will get great support.

toolbeltexpert

Bill I understand being over prepared for what's ahead. I speak of the things to come with family and friends with a frankness having grieved her person being gone. I feel I am ready as well. But my dw isn't that far down, late 6 stuff. But one can never tell, thoughts of how a fatal heart attack would be merciful rather than finishing the big d road.

Only a caregiver gets this I think

Beachfan

Limbo, it is! And so different for each individual. Hospice for DH was only 3 1/2 days and then, like getting hit with a freight train, he was gone, it was over. I don’t know which is worse- - here today, gone tomorrow, or the prolonged waiting for the inevitable. I guess it’s best we don’t get to choose. I’m glad you are receiving help and comfort from all sides now. Stay strong and take advantage of these moments of peace with your DH. Once it’s over, it’s restful, but very lonely on this side.

Just Bill

I took her everywhere for a year, we were joined at the hip. When the caregiver is here and I can run errands, seemingly at lightning speed now that I am not having to go at her pace . As soon as I get in the car the emptiness is noticeable. I went back to work last week when the care giver started. In my office she has a chair and a desk and all her boredom abatement items. That was tough to look at. I can't imagine going through all her stuff at the house. I grocery shopped alone for the first time yesterday. I haven't gotten to loneliness yet but what I am feeling is profound emptiness in all my activities that used to include her. No care giving on Saturdays and Sundays so I am on watch all weekend. Feed her pills mixed in ice cream, give her all the baby food she wants (squeeze tubes are the best), keep her hydrated and make sure her diaper is clean and dry. She cannot get out of bed, she mostly sleeps or twitches and mumbles. That enables to rattle around the house doing endless sets of all kinds of exercise and basically a license to stay home and goof off.

Jgirl57

🙁❤️‍🩹Sorry that Limbo is the stage for now . Continued hugs as you feel the emptiness of doing errands/work by yourself and be the family philosopher . I am glad hospice is a support for you too

Caro_Lynne

Bill, I wish you peace and strength during this difficult time. We are here for you ❤️

A. Marie

Dear Bill, my thoughts are with you and your DW in your limbo. My own experience was closest to Beachfan's, except that hospice wasn't even called in: After a little over a week of steep decline in his nursing home, my DH was gone--after 13 years (in hindsight) of going downhill. Godspeed to her, and to you, in this process.

SDianeL

Wishing you strength as your DW makes her final journey. Glad you have hospice to help.

M1

Bill I imagine some letdown is inevitable, you have been under such strain for such a long time. Let these other good folks carry the burden for a little bit while you catch your breath, sleep, eat, shower, cry. You've needed the help so badly, and now it's there. You may get more of a sense of whether you're in for a long or a short haul over the next few days.

Ed1937

Bill, I understand the feelings. It's been just about 14 months for me, and I still have things to go through to either get rid of or give to somebody. I don't know how you could explain your feelings any better than "Limbo". I hope you can somehow get some rest.

ImMaggieMae

Bill, I’m glad the Calvary finally showed up. I’ve been thinking of you and your wife and hoping for comfort and peace.

Joe C.

Bill, I hoping your wife is comfortable and wish you strength and peace on this next phase of your journey.

Denise1847

Bill,

You have been a warrior through all of this. Wow, the stuff you have been through and managed so well! May you find peace in comfort at this time and going forward. You will see you dear wife again fully restored both physically and mentally.