Battle Buddy -Stage 8

Battlebuddy

Well I have finally come to Stage 8. It was 7 years of caregiving , with two of those years on Hospice. I kept my husband home the entire time .

It’s been 2 weeks since he passed. The funeral was 10 days ago. I have done so much in those 10 days, including painting the room his hospital bed was in. I don’t know how I got the energy, because now I’m exhausted.

I think that I have to learn a whole new stage. - A whole new way to relate to the world. I feel like I miss my husband but what seems to be really challenging is recovering from the caregiving . It is going to be more work than I thought.

JeriLynn66

My condolences on the loss of your DH… please take the time to rest and grieve. You’re in my prayers ❤️

jfkoc

No doubt that stage 8 requires "adjusting".

I pretty much did little for several months. Mostly did puzzles. I have a closet full. Slowly I found my way back and then into some things I really enjoyed and am still doing.

I will always miss my husband. I guess the missing began before he died but perhaps I was so busy taking care of him I did not realize it.

You will make your way "back" but please do not underestimate the loss you have had and give yourself the time you need to create your own path.

-Judith

June45

Battlebuddy, I have followed your posts over the years. You have my deepest condolences. I am also a stage 8 survivor. Please consider posting this on the parter care givers forum for others to see.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your partner in life. Right after my LO passed I had a surge of energy for about a week or two. I didn’t capitalize on that energy like I should have. Soon after the surge I kinda crashed. I’m still knee deep in taking care of things and it’s been 9 mos. Maybe I’ve become a hoarder, not sure. I have felt sadder at times lately. This whole journey is difficult. Looking back is difficult. I hate this for all of us. I’m very sorry.

Battlebuddy

Thank you everyone. Mommy and me, I found that very interesting about the surge of energy . I had that too and then also crashed. I just need to take it one step at a time and be patient.

gampiano

Hello,

My husband died on October 14th. The last few months were unspeakably horrendous, and we all know how bad it can get, so I won't dwell on that here. I have also experienced the surge of energy, and then, exhausting fatigue as well. This is still happening, and during my high energy phases i've been very productive, seem cheerful. But once tasks are completed, plans put into place, I begin to feel at loose ends again. There is a sense of not knowing my place in the world. I'm trying to retain the few friendships that i have by meeting for coffee, etc.I know that these connections are important, but sometimes--many times I just want to remove myself from the scene. Also, after 7 years of care giving, putting my husband's needs first, anticipating and assessing , another realization is kicking in. I have to plan for the possibility that I, too, may need assistance in the future. That shower that i can't afford to install on the first floor ? 'Better find a way to pay for it. Driving at night? It might be time to give that up. I am now the "matriarch" in the family, as my nephew said when we had our Thanksgiving Toast. What a scary thought.

Love to all of us,

Maureen

Buggsroo

I get where you are coming from. My husband died almost five months ago, I found during the first month I needed to sleep a lot. I also had to deal with all the paperwork and that kept my mind occupied. Go slow, it is a new beginning, painful but there is happiness too. I was so relieved my husband was shot of that horrible disease.