In and Out of Debilitating Self-pity

Jami Boyle

I could always eat a little something but this pit in my stomach is constant and interfering with my appetite. The good news is those nagging five pounds are gone! My heart is also racing. I can feel it pounding in my chest, especially when I start thinking about all that needs to happen, CELA, a will for me (I know AND I’m 65), medical testing for DH and how I need to care for myself while processing enormous grief If I was counseling myself I would emphatically say, “Of course you feel sorry for yourself If you didn’t something would be wrong.” But what have you done, dear peers, to assuage this tempest?

Ed1937

Jami, are you seeing a good therapist? The right one can really be a big help when you need it most. I think it would also be appropriate for you to see your doctor to explain everything you're feeling. They might give you something to take the edge off.

Yes, there is a lot of "doing" in the earlier stages, but once you get it done, you will feel a big weight lifted off your shoulders. I hope you can find a way to rest a little.

Just Bill

Well the first thing is you cannot do it all at once. You have time. Make a list in order of priority of the stuff you have to do. That will keep you from having to think about it. When your mind wants to keep you up at night just tell it you have a list. Crossing stuff off the list will give you a little feel good rush. You want as many of those as you can get. When it comes to getting rid of painful emotions We are going through something traumatic expect some painful emotions to come with it. What is working for me is to fully experience the pain and to not try to mask it or run away from it. Make friends with it. Take away its power. If you give yourself time to feel pain you can also give yourself time to feel good. Feeling happy or feeling sad are both transient. Try to balance the pain with as many healthy positive feel good things you can. You can't get rid of the pain but you can to learn to cope with it.

ThisLife

Hi Jami Boyle, I created four lists: Crisis, Do Now, Next in Line and When I have time. I broke larger tasks down into steps. For instance: the legal paperwork: Make a phone call to a CELA - this may be several steps just to find the one you want to work with. Schedule appointment with the CELA. Meet with CELA. Gather documents and fill out paperwork for CELA. And so on. Id tasks require multiple steps break it down into items to check off. As Just Bill said crossing an item off is very satisfying. I set my sights on doing one item every day. Didn't matter which list, just something. On tough days I would have a piece of paper where I'd jot down anything I did and cross it off. Just as much of a rush. Of course, you will keep adding to the lists as other things come up. For quite a while I kept the older lists with items crossed off so I could see the progress I made on the journey. But in the end, you can't do everything all at once, but you are able to do something. And it counts.

So sorry you are here. Sending a virtual hug.

tiredandlonely

Those lists/tasks are necessary but tiring and overwhelming. My two cents is to find a little “me time” to distract and reward yourself for your accomplishments. Find something you like and enjoy yourself each day. Doesn’t have to be anything big, just something to be able to concentrate on you and your well being.

sangpicks

My husband was diagnosed 8 moths ago with Alzheimer’s/ vascular dementia and has progressed to the point that we need help at home because I am still working. It is very had to be sole caregiver, we do not have children and he is 84. I have jus joined this group, am seeking help from other’s experiencing what I am.

Jami Boyle

Greetings Peers (Ed, Bill, This Life, tired and sang)…thank you all so much for your support. A special virtual hug to sang. This Life gave good, practical steps to follow. I will use this info. I’m grateful for the good therapist I have. He’s top notch and he is a pastor. Two-fer.

Again, I’m exhausted and I still have not had dinner. This of helping me. Sang, please Google Teepa Snow. Look for the caregiver, or as she likes to say-Care Partner- for direct, intelligent, funny explanations of this conundrum. Good night peers. Jami