MC choices

wizmo

DW was diagnosed with EOAD at 52, now 59 at around stage 6b - still physically very active but many cognitive challenges. Knowing what is inevitably next, I am getting close to placing her in MC, it is the hardest decision I ever had to make.

The question is where. We have three primary choices:

1) Near our main home in Arizona where we spend spring/fall. She had most of her friends in Arizona but their interest in keeping contact is already fading. Many of them are older and one has been diagnosed with AD herself. Long term, I do not see myself staying there; my other main motivation was career and I am now retired. MC offerings are more plentiful and likely more affordable.

2) Near my father’s home in Colorado where we have been taking extended vacations (summer/winter). Each time going back and forth is more difficult adjusting to the “new” place. I would choose this for me, but not likely best for her. MC offerings are fewer, highest cost, and least social connections for her. She no longer is able to enjoy all the outdoor recreation we were doing up until this summer.

3) Near her hometown in Iowa. MC offerings are at least 2-3 and cost on par with AZ. Her mother age 85 and still very independent would visit every day. She has a brother and large extended family for support, some familiar with dementia care of previous generation. She will still recognize the area from her childhood, not so with #1&2. I am thinking this will be what is best for her - but not for me. I will be ok there for a while to get her settled and accustomed to the big change, then slowly regain some freedom to come and go with frequency TBD, and eventually reinvent my life without her. Some day she will no longer know who I am and I won’t be adding a lot to her quality of life. Until then I want to do what is best for her.

We are very fortunate to have options. I have read many of the stories here from others having to choose between bad and worse.

My family is reluctant to weigh in, and hers is clearly in favor of having access to her for whatever time is left.

I will appreciate any feedback from this group.

Ed1937

Wizmo, it sounds like you are going to have a really hard time figuring this out. But in the same paragraph you said "I am thinking this will be what is best for her" and "Until then I want to do what is best for her." I don't know if it was helpful to point that out or not. I'm sure it will be a difficult choice.