My Wife is Dying

SpottedTowhee

Hi. My wife has one or two more weeks to live and she’s coming home with me until the end. When I look at her I feel so overwhelming sad. We’ve had a good life and it’s hard to watch her go. She can’t talk well enough to communicate effectively but she tries.

should I put aside my selfish sad feelings and try to put on a happy face and maybe sho her videos of fun times we’ve had in the past or does it matter? Is she in there behind all the dementia stuff?

Any insights will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

M1

no suggestions. But thinking of you...I have fantasies about doing the same thing when the time comes for my dear partner. Don't know if it will/can happen, but I totally understand. Wish I could do more. You are providing safe passage, and that is what matters.

gampiano

I Have no expertise with this, but I am a music educator, and i can tell you that playing some of your wife's favorite songs will make her smile, especially the ones that the two of you danced to or listened to when you were dating.

Today, my DH was in the car, and THIS GUY;S IN LOVE WITH YOU turned up on the apple car play. This was our first dance, at his insistence all those years ago. When it came on, he said"I love this song". What was your first dance?

I would definitely play that... no explanation needed.

BEST,

Maureen

Battlebuddy

I personally think videos would be too much for a PWD to process. But hearing is the last sense to go so music is a great idea. And having you hold her hand is always great.

SpottedTowhee

Thanks… she loved dancing and I think I will have all our favorite from the eighties playing. Thanks for all your suggestions.

jfkoc

Sitting, hand holding, reading, music even watching TV.

I found it very hard to do the above. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare...to run away.

I look back and now cherish those last days

We are with you.....

-Judith

SpottedTowhee

What should I say if she asks if she is dying? Any ideas?

ImMaggieMae

SpottedTowhee, I am so sorry. I think music that the two of you loved might be comforting. Or try the videos and see if there is a response. I don’t think you have to try to put on a happy face. Maybe just a loving and comforting one.

Ed1937

I'm so sorry this is happening. What should you say? How 'bout "We're all dying, and I've wondered the same thing about me. Nobody knows when we'll go except God". But it is highly unlikely she will ask that question.

I lost my wife 14 months ago, and the day before she died, she acted and spoke as if she never had dementia. She was not confused at all. She was in a hospital bed, and we talked for hours, just like we did before dementia hit. Then all of a sudden she had a gastrointestinal bleed, and I was told she wouldn't make it. She was given morphine, she closed her eyes, and never opened them again. Seventeen hours later it was over. I'm sorry you are in this position.

SDianeL

definitely music. After my Mom had a severe stroke and couldn't speak she responded to gospel music. She lifted up her hand with a tissue and was "directing" the music. She died a week later at hospice. So sorry you are going through this.

Joe C.

I would go with here favorite music and being there for her. I sorry you have reached this point in the journey and I wish you strength in the coming days.

toolbeltexpert

I have been with family that has sung gospel songs in the last hrs. There are so many other things, a window facing the sunrise, favorite scents, things that evoke pleasant senses and favorite scriptures. I am so sorry your at this point in this journey and will be praying for you during this time.

White Crane

I’m so sorry. How old are you close in prayer.

Caro_Lynne

Must be such a difficult and heartbreaking time for you. Praying for strength for you in the days and weeks ahead.

PookieBlue

Towhee, I am so sorry you are facing this loss. My heartfelt condolences to you. May The Lord provide comfort to you during this difficult time.

    The most recent issue of The Epoch Times includes an article by freelance writer Sharleen Lucas RN, Preparing For A Good End, part four. She states that many palliative care experts argue that a body dying naturally of old age or an incurable illness knows how to die in a comforting and possibly euphoric way. Except in rare cases, the final stage isn’t as painful for the dying as it is for the loved ones. Trusting the body’s knowledge of dying gracefully increases peace at the end of life for everyone involved.

    Hold your loved one’s hand and talk lovingly to her. Your words will likely get through. Each person’s dying journey is unique and mysterious. Being with them is a gift to cherish.

Rocky2

I'm sorry for your pain. No doubt it is driven by love. I have no insights to share as we have not reached this point yet. I will be holding you and your wife up to God in prayer.

SpottedTowhee

Thanks for all the kind thoughts . My wife has been my child, wife, friend, mother, lover, muse, my everything for 36 years and now cannot believe that there is nothing I can do. It’s the most helpless and emptiest feel ever.

This community is a god send. Thanks everyone.

Joydean

I just want to say my prayers are with you and your dear wife. Hoping peace and strength for you. I remember when my bil was in the process of dying, after two weeks of hospice saying he could go any minute, my sil leaned over and told him “ it’s okay if you’re ready to go home, I will be okay “. He opened his eyes, smiled at her and said thank you and in a few minutes he was gone. I thought that was one of the most unselfishness acts she could ever have done. To me that was love. I just hope I can be that strong when the time comes.