Dreams

M1

Every now and then I have a dream that reminds me that Freud had some things right, and last night was one of them.

Preface: out of our circle of friends, there is one couple who have been stalwart through this journey and continue to visit my partner in MC every week. Up until now she has always recognized them in person, although if I say their name when they are not present, she doesn't appear to know who they are. They went to see her yesterday and she didn't recognize them for the first time, didn't want them to stay. The wife called me, sad about it but more concerned.

Second preface: my partner's work vehicle, for years and years, was a little two-door Toyota pickup, manual drive, dirty yellow in color with a brown interior that was filthy after years of use. We both adored that truck, and after she moved to the farm it became our "beater" truck that we used for many, many farm activities. One of our dogs loved that truck and would beg to sit in it, particularly on Sundays, because she knew we would go for rides. It was uncanny. She eventually gifted it --beat up as it was--to her beloved trim carpenter, who lovingly restored it and still has it.

So last night after that sad conversation with our friend, I dreamed I was driving the Toyota and I was on the hilly lot of my partner's old house in town. It slipped off the driveway, and continued slipping down the hill backwards, despite any efforts I made to try to right the situation. With a final crash I woke up. And knew immediately what that dream had been about. I can't right this ship, I can't avoid the crashes that are coming.

Any of you have dreams like that?

toolbeltexpert

M1 I am sure I have had a dream like this, however it escapes me now. You did a very good job explaining your dream and I could feel your desperation. Heart breaking, I hope you have dreams of good times. I am sure most of us have wondered if this journey is just a bad dream and we will wake up and everything is good. I know I have.

Ed1937

I have had dreams like that where it seemed there was no way out, but most of the time I don't remember dreams. If I do have one of those, and wake suddenly, I don't want to go back to sleep for fear of it continuing. I think those are dreams made from stress.

Joydean

I have had those dreams. Woke up one night screaming but no sound was coming from my mouth, I was in a cold sweat. Have never tried to go back to sleep, was afraid the dream would just continue. I would just sit and stare at the camera in dh’s room watching him sleep peacefully. Not a good feeling for sure. Wishing the best for you!

PookieBlue

I have been writing down my dreams since 1986. I must always be in REM sleep as I have so many dreams, several each night. I don’t always remember them. In most dreams I am lost and can’t find my way back. It pretty much parallels the world of dementia that I live in, that we all live in.

Denise1847

I had a dream several years ago before all hell broke loose in my life (passed out in shower and injured my back permanently and my DH's diagnosis of Az). The dream was in color and I was walking and came upon some very thick, dark woods which frightened me. I heard a voice (I presume it was God) telling me that it would be ok and just come though. When I walked through the woods unharmed, I came out to the most beautiful beach and turquoise water I had ever seen. There were people playing in the water and dolphins swimming. I have held on that dream for years. I truly believe it was God's way of telling me that I would be going through some very scary times and to just trust him. It will be ok in the end. The dream is one of the things that keeps me going.

tigersmom

M1, a few months ago I had a very similar dream. I was driving a large truck (probably DH's manual-shift Tacoma, which is large to me, a former Ranger driver) and pulling a heavy load. I could not back up, only keep moving forward, and I had to keep peering through the windshield because I couldn't clearly see the road ahead. It's such a literal translation of my day-to-day struggle with this disease that it's almost embarrassing. Driving something I didn't choose? Check. Pulling a heavy load behind me? Check. No going back? Check. Can't see what's coming, but worry about running headlong into it? Check and doublecheck.

Elshack

I was a teacher for many years. My latest dreams include not being prepared for class and all the students were acting up and I couldn't establish any discipline. This was never the case in real life. I interpret this as not being prepared for the future and also having no control over my life or my DH's life.

White Crane

I’ve had some very vivid dreams like the one you describe although I can’t think of any particular one right now. I know I woke up suddenly a few nights ago. Whatever I was dreaming felt like I was falling and that’s when I woke up with a start.

Jo C.

Yes; I know this well. Really detailed dreams; some repeat themselves, but when waking up I always know what the strange and disturbing dream meant. It was always related to something in real life. Amazing how our brains sift through things.

J.

SDianeL

our dreams explain our reality many times. Maybe a coping mechanism? Someone should interview caregivers about their dreams and write a book. Bet we all have similar ones with different objects. Being out of control.

GothicGremlin

Oh yeah, I definitely have dreams like that.

What it is about driving that we all dream some variation of it? Inherent lack of control?

For me, I've dreamed a few times during the last couple of years that I'm driving up a steep mountain road, and the higher I get, the steeper and narrower the road becomes. The mountain itself becomes narrower near the top, and becomes almost a point, kind of like a Dr. Suess mountain - narrow and pointy. But I still have to continue up until I get to the top (which I never reach because I wake up). Near the top the road is so narrow that it's not quite a one lane road and there's barely enough room for my car on it. As I spiral up the mountain the hairpin turns are so severe that when I look ahead of me it seems like part of the car isn't even on the road (it is), and the sheer drop is very visible. That's when I realize that if a car is making a descent down the mountain there will be no way for us to pass each other, we won't even be able to get out of our cars and walk down. We'll just be stuck.

It's not quite a nightmare but it's close. I see it as being on the dementia road with only one harrowing direction to go, worrying about what's in front of me, and no safe exit. Ugh!