Beginning Stage 7 - big changes, all bad

GothicGremlin

Last week I did something I probably shouldn't have done, but I did it anyway. I went into memory care every day to see Peggy. I got there right around noon after lunch, and I stayed through dinner, ending at around 5pm. I never do that. Typically I go in a couple of times a week, call her a few times a week, and then take one to two days off for myself. But now that we're entering stage 7, I really wanted to see and assess her daily life.

Sometimes she'll just all of a sudden scream. Or cry. Or both. We've now got that down to a dull roar by increasing her trazadone to once per day instead of "as needed." She's still eating fairly well, although we're at an in between stage - finger foods + hand feeding. She's lost a fair amount weight over the last few months, she's now an XL instead of an XXL. I'm glad I saved a lot of her smaller t-shirts/blouses/sweaters because they're going to fit her again - probably sooner than I'd like.

She's also in between with walking and using a transport wheelchair. We don't leave her alone in her room ever (except at night) because if she stands up on her own, she'll fall. On the occasions when we walk, I make sure that I'm in a good position to keep her from falling.

She still knows who we all are, although sometimes when she says my name, she says it in a tone that's like "See? I got your name right!" She'll still refer to me in the third person even when I'm sitting right next to her, which is still weird to me.

In these last couple of months, and particularly this last week, I can see that she's truly in her own reality now. There's still a lot of Peggy inside, but also not. It's hard to explain.

One bright spot from last week - M and I had a heart to heart about Peggy. I told him I always expect him to disappear because taking care of Peggy is hard and getting harder. He said that he and Peggy have been friends for decades, he loves her, and he's in for the duration. I believe him now. He made sure that I understood that they never dated. 🙂

And one funny thing happened -- I've been moving Peggy's vinyl to CDs so she can listen to them in her room (as many of you know). This time I got all of her Madonna collection. I like the idea of Madonna, and I'm glad she's out there, but I don't actually care much for her music - which I listened to with Peggy every day, multiple times a day. The funny thing was that she has this song Like A Prayer, and I had no idea that it's her song. I only know the goth/industrial cover version.

Now I'm getting ready to start the week, hoping that Peggy has more better days than bad ones.

Jgirl57

🙁🙁🙁. I hope you and sis have a better week. Thank you for the insight about Peggy being in her own reality . I bet that is hard to witness.

BassetHoundAnn

Hi, GothicGremlin. Thank you for the update. I was wondering just today how you and Peggy were doing. Stage 7 is really hard. My mom has been in it for nearly a year. The odd thing is that occasionally she'll fall into these sporadic fugues in which she is barely responsive, doesn't eat, lays in bed most of the time. Then suddenly she'll pop out of them and be bouncing around in comparative good spirits, chatting everyone up. Yesterday I found her, to my astonishment, zooming up and down the hall of her memory care with her walker. I've never seen her use her walker before. In fact I haven't seen her ambulating without her wheelchair in nearly a year.

You might take a look at the original videos for some of Madonna's hits. Peggy may remember and enjoy them. They were MTV's most requested videos back in the day. The one for "Like a Prayer" was very controversial at the time. The vid for "La Isla Bonita" was one of the most popular vids ever on MTV. (And one of my favs. Gawd, how I want to be able to dance like Madonna in that red flamenco dress!)

The Goth/industrial version of the song is very cool, and I'm sure Madonna loves it.

Again, thank you for the update. Peggy is sure lucky to have you as her sister.

charley0419

My wife in “ mild Alzheimer “ but I see changes every day, sad Hirt memory more then anything else and confused at times. Got real upset with me about her not driving anymore, dr told her 3 weeks ago, went off on me that there’s plenty of” senile” ppl driving. Told her maybe thry don’t realize they shouldn’t yet. But that doesn’t matter as you all know. She went to bed at 7 , which she never does, got up at 10 really nasty for awhile. I ignored her went to bed in about an hour and now waiting to see what comes out of room. Tough illness to deal with not to mention heart breaking

SusanB-dil

GG, thank you for posting the update. All of this is heartbreaking... to see the decline such as things go. uuughh. I still think you are Best Sister Ever ! I am glad M is in for the long-haul. Wish we all had someone like that around.

I wasn't into Madonna a whole lot, but I still liked some of her songs. Agreeing with BHAnn, 'Like A Prayer' video being controversial, and 'La Isla Bonita', a.k.a. Spanish Lullaby... I thought that was a pretty song.

To charley0419 - yes, it is tough to deal with! and you are correct on the driving.

GothicGremlin

Sometimes all of this really stops me in my tracks. Literally. When she's out of control, it takes me a moment to gather myself to figure out what to do. I think I usually end up doing the right thing, but it's so disconcerting.

@Jgirl57 Peggy had a great day today! Several visitors, enjoying them and laughing. So good to see. She was due for a good day.

@BassetHoundAnn Thank you for the compliment. I'm usually thinking I'm failing. I know that most times I'm not, but because we have no control (not really, anyway) over how the disease progresses, it just feels that way.

I'm sorry that your mom is in a similar place, but also happy to know that she's able to have days where she can chat people up and zoom around with her walker.

I'd never heard of La Isla Bonita until about 3 weeks ago, so I never saw the video. I watched it today, and yeah, that red dress is gorgeous. I was a little nervous that she was swirling around in it so close to all of those candles!

M and I decided to queue up some Madonna videos, so we're on the same wavelength. I agree that Peggy will probably enjoy them. We're working on a video playlist.

@SusanB-dil Thank you. And I totally agree - how do we get an M in our lives? I didn't know that people like him actually exist. Peggy hit the jackpot with that guy.

charley0419

It’s so sad. My wife ran a business for 29 yrs had a few workers did it all, now I let her write one check a month and always has issue, but don’t want to take that away from her also yet. Sad sad illness

charley0419

My wife refuses to see nurologist or take meds , I have appointment next month, was in trail for 2 months I wasn’t happy making her experimental and didn’t know if even taking meds so I stopped.dr gave knee meds got side effect won’t go back. My question is anyone taking and what meds ???????