JO C - Can you reach out to me?

Olly_Bake

JO C. I wanted to contact you in private about this statement. But don't know how to make contact. Your profile says private. Maybe lost about using some of the forum's features.

"It will work out, but remember hiring a good person is one thing; keeping them is quite another, so do be a "good" boss and remember to let them know how much you appreciate them and do what you can to make things easier for them even in small ways.."

Jo C.

Hello Olly; I am not able to make individual private contact as I have had so many requests to do so; if I answer one, I feel I must answer all and it is not possible.

As for that sentence, it is not complex. I began to realize very early on how difficult it can be to find a good person and a very good person is in demand by many families; they do not have to stay if they have a terrible work environment or if the family members are rude or over-expect.

I realized that the care aide was part of the "team," a very important team member even if being paid and wanted to treat them so. While in interview, I let the potential aide know what my LO was like, what duties were expected and stressed dependability; but also asked the aide what their expectations were and what was a positive or negative for them. It is interesting to listen to the aide in conversation; much information can more or less become evident. What do they find unable to work with is a good question . . .

What I did was to respect them in being polite and in giving them a full written list of my LOs condition, likes and dislikes, contact and emergency numbers, what upset my LO and what was soothing; any special issues and other helpful information what was expected; bathing, dressing, hygiene, etc. Having a working care document helped the care aide to not be working in the dark which could make things more difficult. I also let the aide know I was available by phone any time and not to hesitate to call if there was a problem or issue or other need to communicate. I did also let it be understood that dependability was an important parts of their much appreciated service and let them know they would be a valuable part of the care team. I was clear in a polite way regarding said duties and performance and asked for feedback.

While I did not overdo it which would make it seem fake, I did state my appreciation from time to time and if something special or untoward happened that was a positive, I stated how much it was appreciated and thanked the aide.

If one can do so, being present for a day to orient the aide to care and the house can be helpful, but not everyone has the time to do that. My LO had doctor's appts. at intervals, the aide came with us to the appts. which were during her work hours; the aide liked that as she heard first hand what the MD had to say and could sometimes even give input. It further made her feel like part of the team.

I respected the aides time and the aides days off and never over expected. If there were special out of the norm needs that we had, I would politely request and state why and if it was overtime, I paid the overtime.

Also, I did not expect the aide to bring her own lunch or dinner. If the aide was preparing a meal for my LO, she could also be included in that if she wished. Once in a while, I would bring something from a take out whether that was a meal or a special pie; (I did have a very strict rule re NO personal visitors for the aide while working; not even on the front porch, that was not negotiable. Of course no smoking on the property inside or outside and absolutely no alcohol.)

If the aide was ill or had a special occurrence that was not habitual, I respected that and had someone that could be called in. If the aide needed to have a vacation during the year, I asked the aide to let me know a couple of weeks in advance so I could prepare for it and not have to badger about taking time.

I did not expect the aide to do entire house cleaning; yes, to change sheets as needed for my LO, or to wipe up spills, and neaten care areas, etc., but did not expect her to be the entire whole house cleaner. I did expect a clean kitchen area and bathroom in the course of care. However; we had a wonderful aide who was with us for years and she absolutely insisted on caring for the house.

I also upon occasion, did give a little gift to an excellent aide; a box of nice candy, a gift certificate for something such as a small restaurant or bakery or coffee shop; and at Christmas, I did give a bonus of one week's pay along with a gift. I also remembered the aides birthday. At Christmas, I did have my two siblings included in providing money towards the bonus gift and included their names on the card.

No one is perfect, but I did expect care performance. We had two terrible initial aides who had interviewed well but were terribly unreliable in practice. The third time we found that wonderful aide who stayed with us for years and became part of the family. Sometimes, it can take a try or two before finding a good fit and fit is important for our LOs.

It is about small things and politeness. It takes a little time to find the spot that does best. Also good to have a Plan B if the aide does not work out or if something unexpected happens.

Others will have more input; but this is all I could think of at this time.

J.

Olly_Bake

Jo C Thanks for commenting.

I had to delete my previous response which aired my frustration. I do all those things mentioned. However, family dysfunction will always cause problems. Even with being the guardian, I know it is hard on the aides when there is backbiting. My actions should speak for me. I can only control myself and not others. It does not stop my heart from hurting! I just have to remember that one day this too shall pass.