A new thread started by Jan

Ed1937

• Jan524 
• 
  
•  Member
• August 28
• Hi, Denise1847. This is my first post. My 70 year old husband was tested and diagnosed with AD about 6 months ago. I estimate current stage 4. I came to this forum today specifically looking for answers about a problem with showering and wearing clean clothes that we're facing. He's a doctor and was a dedicated daily shower taker. It's now been over a week since he's bathed and I suspect that he is forgetting to use deodorant also. He sleeps in underwear and a tee shirt and when he gets out of bed he puts yesterday's clothes over the same underwear, day after day. I'm wondering if any of you have ideas about how a wife who adores her husband and would never hurt his feelings or his pride can begin a discussion about cleanliness that will embarrass and (lately) anger him.

Ed1937

Jan, this is a very common problem with dementia. He likely thinks he just recently took a shower. You can't make him think otherwise, but you can gather his clothes when he takes them off, and replace them without him knowing in many situations. Or when he does take a shower, you can already have clean clothes ready, and just tell him you'll take the clothes he just took off because you have others for him. He probably does not really need a shower more than once or twice a week unless he has been active, and physically working.

The water heater should be set a little below 120 degrees to protect from people getting burned if they should put the shower control to "HOT".

Ed1937

You could also put something in the bathroom for dirty clothes, ask him to put the dirty ones in there because you are getting ready to do the wash, and have new clothes set out where he will find them easily, and put his deodorant with them. Out of sight is out of mind, so make sure he sees it.

He is not doing this intentionally. It's part of the disease.

Rocky2

JAN524,

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry for the reason, but glad you found us and posted. I have found much help, support and caring listening ears here. Being a caregiver can be daunting and scary. There is much experience and wisdom among the community here. Please continue to post and read. When I was looking for information or seeking answers I have either posted or used to search feature to look for key words. Both have produced good results.

There are important legal issues that should be addresses promptly after a LO is diagnosed. If you have not already done so, I would urge you to contact a Certified Elder Law Attorney (CELA). They will be able to assist you with important legal documents including durable power of attorney (DPOA) for health care and POA for financial matters, wills, etc. It's best to do this right away when your DH is still able to consent and sign.

Another thing I found very helpful was educating myself about the disease. In addition to this forum, I viewed uTube videos by Tepa Snow and Dr. Tam Cummings. If you prefer books, try "The 36-hour day - A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, other Dementias, and Memory Loss”.

Others will chime in with additional thoughts, advice and greetings. Again, welcome.

Tom

Jan524

All such wonderful thoughts and ideas! Thank you so much! I'm truly glad that I found this group of kind and supportive people.

Denise1847

Hi Jan, I have the same issues with the shower and change of clothes. When I hear my husband get up, I go to his bathroom to say "good morning" and ask him how his night was (just small talk). It is obvious that he actually forgets he didn't take a shower. What I have done is to just walk over to the shower and say "Oh, I see you haven't showered yet. Is there anything you need or I can help you with?" He tells me "I already showered". I say "Gee, I am looking at the shower and it is completely dry." Can I run the water for you, while you get undressed? It has worked so far. I also, collect the dirty clothes when he is in the shower and replace them with new ones. Sometimes, if I missed the opportunity to replace the clothes so then I have to do a "sniff test" with his shirts because I don't know which shirt he put back in the closet. I have to laugh at myself when I am doing this. You never know what you will be doing in life. Hope this helps.

Iris L.

Shower together!

Iris

ImMaggieMae

In the early stages there was a period where my DH would take 5 or 6 showers a day. And brush his teeth dozens of times. Then that changed and he was no longer interested. So I started showering with him and that has continued to this day. I put clothes out for him.

Howaboutnow

We become masters at finding “work-arounds” don’t we? When DH could still dress, on a shower day i started laying out all his clothes in the bathroom and I’d scoop up his dirty clothes. He hasn’t initiated a shower in 2 years. Happens about 2x/week or when there’s an accident. Any hygiene stuff has to be prompted and coached thru. It is a sharp contrast to the man that was very particular about his grooming and how he presented himself. Some days as I’m coaching tooth brushing I’ll get him with some cologne for my sake 😊

SDianeL

Hi Jan, Please get the book "The 36 Hour Day" it helped me so much with this and other behaviors. My DH is 78, diagnosed 2 years ago. He also refused to shower. The book explains there are 2 reasons for not taking a shower. 1. they don't recall when they last took one. 2. the task of showering is too overwhelming for them and they may fear falling. For them there are too many tasks to undertake. Once I realized the cause, I solved it by telling him he needed a shower at least 2x a week. He likes to read the Sunday paper so I said let's shower on Wednesdays & Sundays. He agreed. When the days come I go in and get everything ready for him. His wash cloths, towel, body wash, even turned on the shower for him the first time. We have a bath seat and hand wand so he can shower comfortably without fear of slipping or falling. Now all I have to do is say to him "your shower is ready when you are" and he goes and takes it. No more arguments. If he doesn't feel like taking it that day, I say, well then you can take it tomorrow. Which he does. While he's getting his shower if he hasn't gotten clean clothes I get them for him but he usually does get them by himself. Deodorant wasn't a problem because when we moved into our new apartment, he put all his toiletries on the counter in the bathroom. I realized it was because he couldn't recall where he put them. So leave his stuff out on the counter so he can see it. Hope this helps.

gampiano

i have to say that, at least in my case, showering together would be an accident waiting to happen.

Maybe works for some, idk