Still in hospital

Buggsroo

Hi everyone.

just got back from visiting my husband in the hospital. He really is somewhere in Narnia but did hold my hand for awhile, which felt nice. I spoke with him but he didn’t answer. I can barely hold it together when I visit, maybe I am in some kind of denial. I can’t believe he is like this but it is what it is. (Duh, totally obvious expression). I wear a mask to hide the tears.

I was asked by the staff about him, what was he like, replying, I told them about his rapier like wit, his ability to build anything he wanted, his greenhouse full of caudiforms or fat plants. I wanted to scream, you have no idea what an amazing man he was. She looked at me blankly, I mean she has only seen him as a barely responsive man curled up in a hospital bed. I guess what makes so sad is that he is not coming back. I realize that I am experiencing terrible loss. It really hurts but I realize he has no idea what is going on and I am glad for him.

I don’t know if you have ever seen the film Truly Madly Deeply but there is a scene where she talks to her husband the ghost about moving on, because she is still alive and he isn’t. That scene resonates with me. My husband isn’t in there anymore, I have to soldier on.

Sorry for this emotional post, it helps coming back here.

M1

Bugsroo, very glad to hear from you. Ang glad you had a chance to brag about your amazing man.

Mint

(((So sorry for your pain.)))

Jeff86

Your post brought tears to my eyes, Buggsroo. You have lost so much, as we all have.

anyone who feels as you do is not in denial. Thank you for your post, expressing your feelings so honestly and generously. We feel with you and as you do. My heart goes out to you.

Jo C.

Hello Dear Buggsroo. A matter of the heart for certain and I am deeply and truly sorry for the pain and for what is happening. It is good to hear from you; I have been thinking of you and wondering how you have been faring.

It is interesting the nurse's reaction to the description you gave of your husband in the "before" years. Something I have seen family members do which I think is highly effective, is to get some poster board and put the Loved Ones name at the top AND have the Board pasted with photos of the Loved One taken from throughout their healthy adult life, catching the essence of who the person has been and placing it on the wall above or next to the bed for all staff to see. Good idea showing the "real" person inside the body so highly compromised. Not just one more anonymous grey head with no personalty - instead, truly seeing who the person really has been throughout life and is an individual.

Have you kept up working or have you made changes in that I wonder. So much has happened in so many ways. Please do come to chat and letting us know how you are; you are very much part of this large extended electronic family, Buggs. We hold you in thought and heart.

J.

Buggsroo

Hi everyone,

I am still working, it keeps my brain active so I won’t be going anywhere unless they chuck me out the door.

Speaking of the board and putting pics up, I noticed they spelled his name wrong, it’s Jon not John, so maybe they will ask me to account for the missing “H”, petty I know but it was driving me nuts.

Thank you for your compassion, grieving is so weird. I planted some flowers today and I am hoping I will get a visit from some inquisitive bees. Some butterflies hopefully as well.

SDianeL

Buggsroo, so sorry about your wonderful Jon. This disease is so heartbreaking. We grieve as each loss comes. Thank you for telling us about Jon. I saw the pictures of you and Jon that you posted. Please keep in touch. ♥️