The search is depressing

ErikaK

We are in the stages where it's getting too difficult to care for my dad, he needs basically 24/7 supervision to be safe. So, in searching both here where we live in Reno NV and in the northern Denver CO metro area, we are looking for MC or an AL facility that can handle dementia patients.

The kicker is, Dad came to us in 2020 having never been advised to sign up for Medicare, and with tax issues and medical debt, and no assets (he was foreclosed on back in 2010 so no home to sell either). Once all the debt was figured out, paid, or settled, we got him back on track and got him signed up for a Medicare advantage plan. That part was hard, but this part seems impossible.

His only income is SS income, he has money in the bank finally but not a lot. Trying to find a facility that isn't only private pay, or doesn't require a multi-year spend down of assets before he can get LTC Medicaid seems like a lost cause. I find myself wishing that his underlying heart disease takes over, or that his brain just decides to stop because he's tired. That's a horrible thing I know.

Am I correct in thinking this Place for Mom site is just a marketing tool for the Brookdales of the country, and that they aren't going to help me if he has no funds?

JeriLynn66

Have you tried calling the helpline on this website? They have guidance available. Also a certified elder law attorney can assist..

housefinch

I’d also recommend, in addition to the good advice above, searching past posts about funding. I would remain flexible and not expect any funds to remain once he is placed. It also sounds like he would probably need memory care or nursing home care. I’m guessing he is too impaired for assisted living.

ErikaK

@JeriLynn66 the elder law attorney gave us a list, and it hasn't yielded much.

I will try to call this help line but also got a different list from both the local agency on aging and our local ALZ contact (we get a respite grant)

housefinch

My only other thought: i don’t know Reno at all for comparison. I live in the Denver Metro area. I don’t know if you have family here that plan to be very involved in his care, or other strong reasons for considering this area? Of course, you need to consider whatever is the right fit for him and your family. I’ve been here almost 25 years and the traffic, cost of living, stress of increasingly larger & congested area, overall hassle factor have all increased significantly since I moved here. I know your dad won’t be driving, but if others are doing lots of helping out and don’t live right by the facility, that could be worth considering. A 15 mile commute took me 45-60 minutes using toll lanes, etc. I hope this is useful.

ErikaK

@housefinch his sisters and one of his brothers, along with my nephew who he lived with before coming to us, live in the area (Denver/northern Suburbs/Ft Collins). He grew up there (North High Class of 68) and I was born there and lived there until I married and moved to CA in 1996. I know it has changed a lot and grown... that isn't the problem.

The siblings feel very very strongly that he should be there and not here because honestly we don't plan to live here much longer either and are looking to downsize and move to the PNW. They don't want him to be "alone" here though he doesn't really know that he lives in Nevada anyhow. There are not a lot of options for him in northern Nevada but I feel stuck at the moment.

housefinch

Gotcha! Yes, we as a society need to do better for our elders, to prevent this awful stress for everyone. I really hope you find a solution that works for him and your family.

MN Chickadee

A Place for Mom will hound you for months, and they only recommend places that contract with them (i.e. pay them money) so it's not really an accurate list of facilities. Who is is POA? He needs to live near that person. If he moves to Denver will one of his siblings or nephews take on that role? If not and you will be POA then I would plan to move him when you move. Eventually having the decision maker close by will be important.

ErikaK

I am POA and I share medical POA with my nephew.

Thanks for the advice,