60falcon, over a year now

60 falcon

Hi. I just felt like I needed to give an update. I lost Pat at the end of August last year. She had EOAD and in her last month of life she went from late stage 6 to passing away. Looking back, it happened too suddenly and I was unprepared for how it would effect me. My devastation and grief was probably normal and predictable, but I was so lost and hurt. Last winter was the longest in my life.

I'm happy to say that I'm finally at peace with things. Oh, I still miss her terribly and it's not hard to find myself crying and feeling emotional when I talk about her, but I'm at peace. I've picked up a new hobby (Flint knapping... making stone points and tools), and I'm getting back to doing all the things that make me who I am. I had lost all that while caregiving. And, I recently began dating an old friend from college.

I remember the discussions here that would occasionally come up regarding if you could ever see yourself with another. I was firmly in the no category, ha. Funny sometimes how life just happens in good ways too. I didn't want a relationship and I didn't go looking for it either, it just happened and here it is.

Folks in stage 8 would sometimes/often say that life eventually gets better or back to a new normal. I didn't believe I would. But I am. Thank God I am.

This forum and you people past and present saved me. Thanks.

Battlebuddy

Thanks for the update! Very encouraging and inspiring!

cw2502

I lost my DH 7 weeks ago. He too went quickly; from Stage 6 in April to passing in October. He was at home until April of this year when I had to place him. [He was 10 years older than myself; I'm still working and have always been the breadwinner]. The facility was VERY nice and the caregivers were awesome. I just never saw Stage 7 coming so quickly, and while my mind wants to try to make me feel guilty about the placement, my heart knows that I did all I could from the day he was formally diagnosed (1/2018) until the end. I read all the books and knew what we were in for, but you're never really prepared. He started suffering some weight loss before placement, but after placement, it seemed within months he was so so thin. and not being very mobile. But if you can believe it, he was still strong as an ox in his arm strength. Luckily, he took a fall late one Sunday evening and they called EMS who transported him because of extremely low blood pressure and heart rate. We were able to stabilize him and have several days to "say goodbye". He had pneumonia, had aspirated and was dehydrated. Two blood pressure meds were keeping him alive. I just couldn't believe it. I had just been there but because he was still so feisty and strong, I never imagined he was so sick. I wanted to take him home for hospice, but the doctor said he wouldn't survive the transport. And I say "luckily" above because if they had not called EMS, he probably would have passed alone in his bed at the facility, instead of having me laying beside him with our children there too. That, I don't think I could ever live with. We were a "love at first sight" couple, and despite a previous marriage and two children for him, we married at aged 36 and 26 and were together 40 years this October, and married almost 39 years. While I know his mind and body are now whole, I am missing his physical presence so bad!! We had a wonderful marriage and were crazy about each other for so long. (He did end up having issues about my identity, but I knew it was just the disease. While he might not have known I was his wife, he knew I was someone very special). I guess I'm writing all this as my "grief share" therapy. I went to a session at the church, but I could tell from the get-go that unless you've lost someone to Alzheimer's, you can't know the "beast" that it is. I felt like I could find more support here. While I didn't post a lot here over the years, I did read a lot of the forum and did do some of the virtual support sessions. I'm rambling. I'm hurt. I loved him soooo much. When not working, I spend my time organizing all our memories (sorting and reading all our cards to each other; scanning precious photos; looking at his memorial service video tribute over and over and over). We have 2 children together and have 7 grandchildren from our children; I have 2 stepchildren who I am very close to, and they each have 2 children. I have my mother still, 5 siblings and their spouses, families. But I am here, alone in this house, missing him. The love of my life. He always told me he would be lost with me. But now, I feel lost without him. Thanks for letting me vent. This is such a cruel disease. It ravaged his mind and then his body. I hate it for him. He was a proud, strong, independent, "do it yourself" country boy and I just hate that I can't keep giving him my love on earth.

2parents/brain change

Thank you for your beautiful post.

LadyTexan

Thank you for the update Falcon.

As others have mentioned, this disease is indeed cruel. I entered Stage 8 4/5/2022. I am now caring for my dear mother who has Alzheimer's. I'm not sure what lies ahead for me I take better care of myself than I ever did before. I am eating better and exercising. I feel run down but optimistic about what's ahead.

Best wishes to all for a better day today.

M1

Falcon I too am glad to hear your update. Yours too,LT. I don’t normally follow this page, but decided maybe I should as stage 8 feels closer now. Really encouraging to hear voices from the other side, as right now any sense of “normal life” feels very far away. I put myself in the firm no category about future relationships, too. Famous last words? I just can’t imagine right now…

Buggsroo

i am happy for you Falcon. Not even close to being where you are but I have got all the paperwork done and I regard my husband free from earthly bounds. I watch a lot of stuff in French to keep up my skills. In one program a woman had lost her husband a year ago and she went to see a man versed in Chinese medicine and acupuncture. He told her to say je m’autorise de tourner la page, meaning I allow myself to turn the page. I started crying and thought not there yet. I know I need time, it is still too painful. I am relieved to see that things do get better.