Does It Ever Get Easier?

NC Girl 23

My mother had a severe stroke that left her unable to speak, eat or drink, or function. She was brought home to Hospice and passed away two weeks later, on October 13, 2020. Then my dad, who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about five years earlier, had a stroke Christmas Day of 2020. I had taken early retirement to care for my mother and then my dad, and my husband semi-retired and then fully retired to help with my dad

Taking care of my dad before the stroke revealed that his Alzheimer’s had progressed much more than we had realized. My mother had hidden the progression and made excuses for the issues we had noticed. The overwhelming grief that hit him further pronounced the Alzheimer’s symptoms.

Two and a half years of taking care of him with the Alzheimer’s, his grief, and the treatment following the stroke took over our lives. I didn’t really have a chance to deal with my own grief after my mother’s passing.

My dad passed away on March 4, 2023, and I am left mourning both my parents and trying to deal with the ins and outs of the estate, attorneys, surveyors, cleaning out their house and buildings, and all that goes with the financial side of death. There are days that I just don’t think I can face another day of all that. I try to focus on one task at a time, but then I come across something that reminds me of my dear Mama. We saw them and/or talked with them every day before her stroke, and she was such a big part of my life. I would often pick up the phone just to talk or walk the few hundred yards up to their house to sit and talk with her. I still find myself, for a split second, thinking of picking up the phone or thinking “I need to tell Mama…”.

It is still so overwhelming to think that I will never talk to her again. I will never be able to call just to talk. At times, it washes over me and feels like I’m drowning. I wake up in the middle of the night having had a dream of talking to her.

When, oh when, will this pain lessen enough to let all the wonderful precious memories take over? I just pray that will be soon. I pray that once dealing with the estate and all it entails becomes a memory, I will be able to enjoy the beautiful memories of those times with her.

Battlebuddy

Im doing a really great program called Griefshare at my church. It’s a national program . I’ve only been to 3 of the 13 classes , but they say that usually grief can last for one year and then things get better. You haven’t been through all the “ firsts” ( birthdays , holidays etc) . I would be patient with yourself.

Everybody grieves differently and with different styles. My sister passed a couple years ago. I called her every day. I still go to call her on a regular basis. Just for that few seconds before I remember she’s gone