Strategies I've Used

George K

STRATEGIES FOR LIVING WITH AN ALZHEIMER’S VICTIM:

Being reasonable, rational, and logical DOES NOT WORK!!! Neither does arguing, pleading or manipulating, keep communication simple and direct.

They don’t have to be grounded in reality. There’s no need to re-live their pain. Distraction works.

We don’t know what they can or cannot do; all we can do is guess at their abilities. We can let them try, but must be alert for frustration, agitation and anger.

Making deals doesn’t work.  THEY FORGET. Just do what needs to be done.

TELL, DON’T ASK! All that choices do is confuse and agitate them.

We can’t do it all by ourselves. It’s OK to ask for and receive help and support.

WE’RE NOT PERFECT. Forgiving ourselves and them makes life much more serene.

Separate the PERSON from the DISEASE! Be grateful for the good times; learn from the bad.

Therapeutic lying may be necessary. It can prevent much stress.

Doctors don’t see the whole picture. We have to tell it like it is. Then, they may also have to lie.

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PRAYER of SAINT FRANCIS for CAREGIVERS:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your healing care today.

Where there is sorrow,

  Let me offer my heart in empathy.

Where there is fear,

  Let me speak quiet assurance.

Where there is anxiety,

  Let me breathe calm.

Where there is doubt,

  Let me hold gentle certainty.

Where there is pain,

  Let my presence be like a soothing balm.

 

O Divine Spirit, grant me energy sufficient to do what is required of me.

Grant me wisdom with the moment and endurance with the need.

Make me a steady source of compassion, embracing the other, embracing myself.

May my caregiving be rooted:

  Less in control and more in surrender.

  Less in constant doing and more in gentle being.

  Less in pride and more in humility.

May I embrace whatever joys come our way;

  Many or few, may they be enough.

May I find meaning in this role I serve, and fulfillment in how I serve it.

May I always remember that healing means becoming more whole, whatever the form.

May I never forget that healing is ultimately always a gift.

And You, Lord, are the source of it all.

For that reason, I make this prayer humbly, gratefully, hopefully, confidently.  Amen

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PLEA FROM AN ALZHEIMER’S VICTIM:

Don’t ask me to remember; don’t try to make me understand.

Let me rest and know you’re with me, kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I’m confused beyond your concept; I’m sad and sick and lost.

All I know is that I need you with me, to be with me at any cost.

Don’t lose your patience with me, don’t scold or curse or cry.

I can’t help the way I’m acting; can’t be different though I try.

Just remember that I need you; that the best of me is gone.

Please don’t fail to stand beside me! Love me till my life is done.

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REQUESTS FROM AN ALZHEIMER’SPATIENT:

BE PATIENT WITH ME: Remember I’m the helpless victim of an organic brain disease which is out of my control.

TALK TO ME: Even though I can’t always answer you, I can hear your voice, and sometimes I can comprehend your words.

BE KIND TO ME: For each day of my life’s a long and desperate struggle. Your kindness may be the most special and important part of my day.

CONSIDER MY FEELINGS: They are very much alive within me.

TREAT ME WITH HUMAN DIGINITY AND RESPECT: As I’d treat you if you were the victim.

REMEMBER MY PAST: For I was once a healthy, vibrant person full of life, love, and laughter; with abilities and intelligence.

REMEMBER MY PRESENT: I’m a loving person, a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a relative, or a dear friend. I very much miss my family, friends and home as I knew them.

REMEMBER MY FUTURE: Though it may seem bleak to you, I’m always filled with hope for tomorrow.

PRAY FOR ME: For I’m a person who lingers in the mist that drifts between time and eternity. Your presence may do more for me than any other outreach or compassion you could extend to me.

SMILE AND HOLD MY HANDS: This gives me a feeling of well-being. Never underestimate the power of a touch or a smile; for they pass on energy from your heart to mine.

LOVE ME: And the gift of love you give will be a blessing which fill both our lives with light forever.

HollyBerry

I'm not sure I can add much to the above! And, I came to the site this morning after some sleepless Facebook browsing to offer a resource that has been helpful to me. There are lots of pages/groups for teachers and parents that focus on ADHD, sensory integration, etc. A LOT of the advice is really useful for caregiving with Alzheimers. Example -- I was reading about executive function and emotional regulation in kids and some lightbulbs went off for me - my partner struggles with both, but I hadn't thought about how they're related. I gained some empathy and understanding. This morning it was an infographic about dealing with meltdowns - the advice is so similar to what we see for adults with dementia - respond to the feelings not the content, etc. Another was talking about different ways that anxiety shows up in teens, and one of them could be the endless repetitive questions (that we're all so familair with!) - but what if we consider the anxiety component of those questions, would we respond differently? If you're stuck with your phone for entertainment, check out Integrated Learning Strategies or the OT Toolbox or others like that. If nothing else, it's a nice break from reading about dementia.

housefinch

@HollyBerry your comment was so interesting. I am on these boards because I learn so much about dementia (my mom cares for my stepdad who is late 5/early 6). I have 2 children who both have autism & ADHD, 1 with an intellectual disability. Although they obviously don’t have a catastrophic neurodegenerative disease—-and I don’t want at all to minimize the devastation of dementia—the strategies I have to use in our household overlap a bit with what I read here! I don’t think this would work in moderate/severe dementia, but maybe in early: With our daughter, I’ve learned to say, “I’m wondering if you’re upset because ___________.” However, they have decent short term memory and dementia patients don’t. It definitely tests your patience! My daughter asks the same question 20-30 times daily and you do feel guilty ignoring it but I redirect her to another topic 😂. Sending everyone strength and patience.