Who Am I This Time?

pogil222

Does any have experience with Capgras syndrome? My DH often believes that I'm his girlfriend/unmarried partner. We recently moved to a retirement community and he's been eaten up with anxiety, thinking that the management is going to fine us or kick us out for having an unauthorized person living in the apartment. This has been going on for more than 6 months. I usually try to distract him, but sometimes he wants to have another long conversation about "where our relationship is going" (relationship with the girlfriend, that is). I haven't tried to argue with him or try to convince him that he's "wrong" - he truly believes I'm "the other woman." He seems to move from one dimension to the other, but I can never tell who he thinks I am. He recently raised the subject of sex and I said, "I know you can't control what believe right now. I love you and I always will, but making love with you while you think you're in bed with some other woman is just too hard." I'm not sure he understood, but I had to draw that line. The only things I've read about Capgras say to reassure the person and tell them they're safe. My DH in many ways is quite happy with his lady friend, who, I gather, is a younger and probably nicer version of me. I text with my kids about this
but I have nobody to talk to here at the retirement community and nobody I know of has any first-hand experience with it. If you have any familiarity and any advice I'd love to hear from you.

Kat63

My DH has done similar thing for a couple of years. He doesn’t recognize me as his wife, but calls me by my name and has told me before there are three “Kathys”. Little over a year ago he told me I was a really good person, but he liked how things were and didn’t think we needed to get married. Lol. Of course we have been married for 39 years. I just told him I agreed!! Most days he wants to call his wife. In fact he just asked to do that 5 minutes ago. As for quite sometime now he could not remember how to use his phone and just punched buttons which sometimes created issues, so I told him it stopped working and hid it in my makeup drawer. Anyway I can’t call myself on my phone, so I just make up excuses now when he ask to call me. Actually this has been the hardest thing for me to handle and I guess it’s because it makes me face the fact that he really doesn’t recognize me as his wife at all anymore. Sometimes he seems to be happy with me and will call me by name but if I’m truthful I don’t think he has recognized me, as “me” for 2 years.

M1

Happens here too. We are not married but have been together for 29 years. She doesn't remember it, asks continually how long we've known each other, whether we can live together when she gets out of MC, doesn't remember our farm or that we've ever lived together. She thinks it would be fun to live together and is flattered that I'd like to do that. She doesn't recognize my name written on a white board in her room. All very disorienting and leaves little to talk about since she doesn't remember our history together.

Ed1937

Pogil, I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Sorry you need it, but it's a good one.

And thank you for the thread. Threads like this help others who may be experiencing it, but haven't posted about it. At least they know they are not alone.

GiGi1963

When my DH first started thinking I was his girlfriend he wouldn't get in bed with me at night. That lasted about six months. Every night he wanted to go home to his wife. Thankfully he has past worrying about cheating! He still thinks there is another woman living with us and I am not her. I think he likes her better most days. Lol

SDianeL

so sorry you are going through this. If you go up to the right corner of this website you can search for Capgras and look at all the older messages and you might find some tips there. Also found this that might help. https://www.michiganmedicine.org/health-lab/capgras-syndrome-dementia-are-you-pretender-or-real-mary

easy23

My DH thinks I am all different people that he knows: mother (deceased), brother, former co-workers, cousin, friends. There are also multiples of me (usually 2 or 3). He thinks he has been married 3 or 4 times. If my DH wants to talk to me, his wife of 40 years, he calls me on my phone. He also thinks there are multiples of our house. Sometimes we have to take a ride to go to "the other house." I think Capgras is a symptom of Lewy Body Dementia, but my DH has been diagnosed with behavioral FTD.

pogil222

I appreciate all your thoughts. This website is new to me and I can see will be a real help.

Couple of things. My husband's Capgras started with hallucinations before his formal diagnosis of "mild dementia" about 7 months ago. I don't think he's still in that stage. Right after he was diagnosed he was suicidal because he thought he'd cheated on me and I had him admitted to a psych hospital for 3 days for psafety. The dementia seems to be moving pretty fast but I also know he might have years. Based on PET scan and symptoms they say Alz not LBD.

ghphotog

Similar things happening here although I didn't know there was a name for it. My DW always thinks I have a girlfriend or always asking me if I'm married. The 6-8 months, in the morning when we wake up, for about an hour, she is yelling at me, accusing me of being devious, ugly, "what's wrong with your face???", "What's wrong with you???", "There's something wrong with you!!!, etc, etc. . .

I think she is remembering a younger version of me and perhaps she doesn't recognize my "older" face. :) IDK, I just chalk it all up to the disease.

pogil222

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. At least my husband is in love with my double, so there's no hostility with her or even with me, thank God. It's very fluid. The problems are his anxiety when it arises and my always having to be fast on my feet. My stepdaughter said it's like you're in a play but don't know what character you're playing next. And of course I'm sad because he feels even farther away. Especially when he says things to "her" that are verbatim things he said to me when we were dating.

pogil222

Why My Father Called Me Son, Daughter, He, She and It https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/21/style/modern-love-transgender-father-called-me-it.html?smid=nytcore-android-share

This is a a little different angle, but a piece from the NYT about a father with Alzheimer's and his perception of his daughter's identity. Makes me think he's seeing images from a movie of our life together and then his brain is cooking them.