Angry, delusional, strong, undiagnosed, 80 year old mother

gilchrist

My 80 year old mother has had all of the symptoms of dementia for about three years and has refused to see a physician. For tge past six months, she has obsesses with a killer cat that is tormenting her pets and is currently making accusations of theft against a granddaughter. Her forgetfulness

is a constant, but the delusions

come and go. She has a handgun by her bed and refuses to give it up, and she drives to go bowling once a week. She is sometimes still sweet, but often angry. My siblings and I have begun the process of getting power of attorney. It is a quandary for us all with her iin complete denial that anything is wrong.

psg712

Oh my. When my mom didn't think anything was wrong, I sent a message to her primary doctor's office outlining the facts as I knew them. When she went for her follow up visit, he was able to do an assessment without alerting her to the fact that I gave them information.

Your mom needs help now, for her safety and others. Can anyone get the gun out of the house? The PCP can tell her to hand over the car keys - let the doctor be the bad guy on that one. He/she can also get you referrals to neurology or gero psych if needed to confirm dementa diagnosis or rule out other causes for her behavior.

Hugs to you - this is so tough. She is angry because she is scared. Someone has to take control and make the hard decisions, because she cannot. Hang in there. Keep coming back here. I'm new and already finding a lot of support and validation.

M1

My partner also has had a handgun as well as other long guns for the farm. I finally just disappeared the handgun and she never missed it. The long guns were in a cabinet and i hid the keys. Welcome to the forum, you definitely need to step in before there is bad trouble. Don't wait.

SusanB-dil

Hi Gilchrist - welcome to 'here'.

Some good advice has been posted, and I agree with M1 to disappear the gun. Get it away, and you could even help her look for it if she discovers that it is missing.

That she is driving is another issue. We had to disable MIL's car, and 'the part was on backorder'. We found out she had gotten lost. It turned out that she had gotten lost several times, and she finally did admit that she came to an intersection and forgot what to do. Also, if there is ever an issue, insurance may not cover anything!

Also, as psg indicated - you can get notice to her doctor, even if you do not have HIPAA access. They cannot get back to you, but they can read and take into account what you tell them.

Good you are getting paperwork in order asap. DPOA and HIPAA access are imperative. If it turns out she does not cooperate, or can no longer sign for DPOA, you may have to get guardianship. If she has not been officially diagnosed, she could probably still sign DPOA. A CLEC lawyer can help you with that.

gilchrist

Thanks to you all. This is all helpful, and I have shared it with my siblings.

Your compassion and experieince are invaluable to us.

I will certainly keep coming back.