increasing agitation and aggression

justnej

hi everyone,

my dh was diagnosed with EO at 52 years old in 2020, he's 56 now. looking for any advice or similar situations regarding aggression/agitation. my dh is agitated daily, today for example he spent the day on the phone talking to the city bylaw office making complaints about all of our neighbours. yesterday we were in home depot and he shouted at a man who was with his wife, "does your wife know you're a *%^#@$ pig" believing the man was "checking me out" - this type of jealousy is becoming very difficult with accusations of infidelity, false beliefs of me meeting with male neighbours, communicating via the window with apartment dwellers...he is always on the lookout and shares his delusions with our teenage daughters. the swearing, the yelling and screaming, the accusations and the constant paranoia are so difficult to live with. his neurologist prescribed seroquel but he isn't taking it...i'm at my wit's end! the stress is unbelievable! i'm a social worker and think that maybe i've been able to manage this behaviour for too long using professional skills, but i'm tired and often scared of where this will go. any similar experiences here? and advice?

Gig Harbor

Since he has a prescription for Seroquel can you find a way to slip it into his food every day? It might come as a liquid which would make it easier. Write a letter to his doctor telling him just what you told us. Maybe his office can call him in for a visit for “insurance purposes” since he is not likely to go on his own. Really stress to the doctor that it is becoming impossible to live with him with his behaviors escalating. It would be much better to have him a little zoned out than to be this agitated. Good luck.

Iris L.

Unfortunately, your professional skills are basically useless. I was a pediatrician in my professional life and I had little experience with PWDS (persons with dementia). But I have since discovered that most professionals have little experience with PWDs. What you will need to learn are CAREGIVING skills. This is the place to learn, because the members here are experienced and knowledgeable and willing to share. There is much online reading material. Are you aware of anosognosia? Your DH is not aware of having dementia. He is also not aware that his behaviors and accusations are out of line. You have to learn the work-arounds from the members. Be aware that the psychotropic medications must be TITRATED up to the therapeutic level. This can take up to four to six weeks.

You will have to learn not to argue, despite what he says.

There is a lot of information on how to explain dementia to children an teens. Your job now is also to shield the children from the worst of the dementia. But at the same time, they will learn compassion, because he is very ill. And they are losing their dad. You will have to compensate.

There is so much to learn. Please look over all the boards and learn as much as you can. The knowledge is here. Please keep posting.

Iris

I want to edit to say that you are using your professional skills to reason with him. You can no longer use reason (too much) as a communication tool. That's why you need to learn new ways of communicating. There are many threads regarding communication.

Iris

Carmen M

I am so sorry to hear about the struggles. My LO is also verbally aggressive but usually towards me at the home. I am actually afraid to take him out too much around people just for the reasons you mentioned. He hasn't become aggressive to anyone yet other than the RN and security officers when he was admitted to the emergency room for wandering and falling.

My LO also takes seroqual as needed but I am thinking he might need it everyday before the behavior starts. I also will slip the medication in with all his other meds since I manage the meds.

I have learned to not take anything my LO yells and screams at me personally. Its so difficult, my heart aches and I cry inside. The nite he spent the nite in emergency when he wandered from the home and I had to call 911, he told me to just die. I know he didn't mean it but it was so hurtful. Again, I have to remember that its not him, its the disease. The disease I keep repeating to myself everyday.

You can only do the best you can...that's all anyone can do. And you are doing everything you can.

Best of luck

Pat6177

You may want to get video of your husband’s behaviors to show to the dr.

ThisLife

I would like to gently suggest that "professional skills" of people in professions that deal with client agitation/aggression, deescalating behavior, dealing with false beliefs do come in handy initially depending on the skill of the practitioner - social workers, therapist, special education teachers and. I'm sure, many more.

I'm a special education who dealt with students with severe emotion and behavioral problems. My H has anosognosia, anger, agitation, and frustration. My ability to scaffold tasks, validate feelings, not challenging him, distract, use the least number of words, I believe allowed me to successfully "manage" for him for 10 years. The disease does reach a point where none of these skills are pertinent as the person with dementia doesn't have reasoning or the ability to modify their behavior.

Iris L.

I think it is so important to limit the number of words in a sentence. PWDs have already forgotten what you started out saying by the time you reach the finish. They hear Yada Yada Yada blah blah blah" and then maybe one or two words. Confusion and absence of cooperation ensue.

Iris

Jeanne C.

We went through some of this. My husband is also on the younger side at 64. Frankly, I didn't even think of dementia due to his age. It was kind of a nightmare for a while. He was hospitalized after one event and I couldn't get him to follow-up appointments or tests (anosognosia). Unfortunately it took a crisis and another hospitalization (with me refusing to take him home) to get him on meds. The combination of anti-psych and anti-anxiety meds, which have been adjusted a couple of times, have us in a much better place. It also helps that we found a great medical practice that only deals with memory care.

You're in my thoughts as you and your family go through this. Keep posting and asking questions. The people on this forum are incredible.

terei

IMO you cannot allow your daughters to be victimized by this. If it was me, the next time he starts this you should call 911 + have him taken the the ER and then to a geri psych unit where he can be assessed + medicated. Please do not let this continue.

housefinch

It sounds like he needs an emergency psychiatric evaluation. That behavior you’re describing sounds very unsafe and like he could progress to physical violence. How do you know he won’t have a knife, gun, other weapon the next time he thinks someone at Home Depot is looking at you? He is actively delusional and needs help and you and your family need to be safe. Please don’t underestimate the danger here. Please remove all potential weapons like knives, guns, etc from his access and be sure your cell phone is fully charged and your car has gas at all times. And please get him seen ASAP. I would actually tell the hospital staff that I was afraid to bring him back home. He can’t live with your children behaving like that. It’s completely unsafe. He probably needs to be admitted to a psychiatric inpatient facility for evaluation and treatment. Best wishes and I hope you can get help.

JeriLynn66

While I am so very sorry you’re dealing with this, @terei and @housefinch have given you sound advice… the safety of all involved must drive your decisions..

Denise1847

Hi Justine,

I would use a pill crusher and put the meds in his food. My DH started to have outbursts and the doctor put him on the generic of zoloft and he is calm and cooperative. I hope you get a solid solution soon. I am so sorry.

housefinch

PS Not to be too heavy handed, but my other thought: We can’t predict how a stranger will respond to your husband’s behavior. What if a stranger has a weapon and an anger management problem? Nowadays people are very stressed and who knows what would trigger someone. Many people don’t even understand regular befuddled harmless dementia behavior. I would not want a PWD saying these very provocative things in public. Too risky. Hugs and best wishes to you.