Step Dad issues

SFTONID

Hello,

my mom has gotten to the place where she needs FT care. My step dad is her primary caregiver but my wife and I have been paying for her care for 6 month (25-40 hours per week).

We convinced them to move and downsize. Which they have as of this week. They made over 200k on their house, have SS funds monthly and a little savings.

She will need FT care and even though we said we would help he is refusing to set up a plan with me, saying he thinks he needs to hold on to saving “JUST IN CASE” and not taking responsibility for his wife financially.

He’s 84 and has his own health issues. I don’t know if this is pride or what the heck he’s doing but this is really impacting my life, my marriage and my finances.

my brother and his wife begged them to move by them in LV and he refused. So now by my step sister who has a busy life and her own issues.

I’m afraid something major will happen to her or both of them. A new house the she has to get to know and a new state where she doesn’t know.

Why can’t I get him to understand this is IT and he must be responsible for all of her caregiver hours financially? I’m afraid if I commit to half that he just won’t take care of the rest financially.

Has anyone experienced this?

At what point do we make a decision that he can’t be her caregiver and remove her to go live with my brother and his wife who are fully trained to be her caregivers?

Love to each of you and your breaking hearts

[Deleted User]

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eaglemom

I could not agree more. The absolute first thing that needs to be done is to get to a certified elder care attorney. Lay out the picture and go from there.

One always hopes everyone in the family has parents / step-parents best interest at hand. Many times that is the case, but sadly sometimes that isn't the case. I have no idea in your situation. You need to protect your mom and her assets. That's the bottom line.

eagle

GemsWinner12

I would not waste money on an attorney at all. Sorry I cannot agree with that and believe it is nonsense at 300-500 bugs/hour. You can get all the forms you need online, including POA, a will, quit claim, etc. Time for tough love. I would say sorry "dad". I/we cannot financially support your endeavors any longer. He married your mom so prety much it's his issue..for better or worse, right? Please feel free to call whenever you'd like, "dad" . Bye.

Personally, I have hung up on my own dad and told him to f off because he was refusing me POA, yet wanting me to pay for cleaning up his messes and travel two states from me. He took off when I was an infant and only reaches out when he needs something from me. The state was pressuring me to take my own dad to court like a trailer trash and I said no thanks; you guys need to take him over if he won't sign for me eleven hours each way to drive. He wound up begging me to take over and promised that if I drove all the way again, he would sign. I said If you don't sign POA, quit claim, and the will, I will turn around on my heel and that will be it, buddy.

I am not aware of your mom and step dad's finances; who owns the house, and it seems to me as if they both own the house and your step dad is afraid of draining his assets by paying for her care/ right? Sigh. Just follow the money and you will find your answers. If the house is under your Mom's name only, then that is all the better reason to tell your step dad to step it up and be a man/husband. Again, do not pay for any attorney or bull like that you can get all the forms you need online and just pay for a notary. If he owns the house, you can sweeten up to him and force his hand at signing POA to you. It's a checkers game; sometimes more of a chess match.