How to answer - "I want to go home"

Grandma Sandy

My DH, diagnosed with Alzheimers, is in a Memory Care Unit. He does not communicate very much. However, he repeats several times a day, I want to go home. He asks the staff to call me to come get him. My son has explained that right now he needs to be where he is. I always tell him "I hear you", "I understand". Is this just a repetitive action? Will he eventually stop asking or replace it with another question? What should I say to him?

White Crane

Perhaps a fiblet would work. You could tell him some repairwork is being done at the house and you will bring him home as soon as it is finished. Then repeat the fiblet the next day since he probably won't remember from day to day. That is just an example. When you find the answer that works for you, tell the staff so they can tell him the same thing. I hope this helps.

Beachfan

My, DH, while in MC, never asked to go home. He didn’t know me or where he was, so that dilemma never materialized. There were, however, residents in his cottage who regularly asked me to “take them home, call a family member to pick them up”, or would just appear sad and cry quietly, missing home and family. It would break my heart, but I soon realized that for the most part, these were isolated incidents and the residents quickly rebounded with an introduction of an activity or a gentle reassurance that staff would call family at ___ o’clock. Listen to your son as hard as it is. He is probably right and if you were to check with staff, they would most likely report that your DH is content most of the time. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this, one more thing after having already made the heartbreaking decision to place your DH. Try to keep busy and not dwell on your DH’s requests; I would guess that he is just fine. Best wishes; this, too, shall pass.

Grandma Sandy

Beachfan . . . very helpful. Thank you. It always helps to know others have seen or had the same experience . . . . . otherwise, we think we are the only ones dealing with a particular issue . . . which is what I am feeling.

Dio

Beachfan, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm facing the same thing.

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Iris L.

My late cousin would ask me to take her home. When I asked where, she gave me the address of her childhood home. She would ask me what I was doing that I was too busy to take her home. I would tell her I lived too far away to come and get her. It dawned on me that she thought I lived very near her, and that we could just jump into a car and go. She was living in her own home at the time.

Iris