Resistance to showering and changing clothes

Seemo

I am a 73 year old full time caregiver for my 70 year old wife now 4 years into her Alzheimer's diagnoses. She is extremely resistant to showering, washing, or cleaning up in general. I am lucky to get her to shower or "clean up once a week. Now, she won't change her clothes. Any careful suggestions to change or clean up are met with snide, nasty refusals to do so. Any suggestions?

jfkoc

One thought is to not start with something she can say no to.

Next thought think bribery i.e. "when "we" have cleaned up let's go for some ice cream."

Shower together.

Make certain there is a chair to sit in and a hand held shower.

Have some new spa soaps to try and a fluffy terry cloth robe

Have easy, comfortable clothes at the ready like knit pull on pants and shirts and please, get some sports bras. They are so much more comfortable or just wear a tank top under a teeshirt.

The problem is common but not easy to solve.....keep thinking out of the box!

Jeanne C.

If you can, read or reread chapter 5 of the 36 Hour Day - there's a good section on hygiene and some really helpful advice. What works pretty well with my husband is saying things matter of factly (it's time to shower) and then going step by step with him. I set the water temp out of his sight. I walk him through undressing one item at a time. I walk him through each step (wet your hair, squirt shampoo into your hand, it's the bottle with the blue cap, etc.). I set out his clothes while he's in the shower (not before or he'll try to put them on).

And if he fights it, I let it go and try again the next day. I usually get him to shower 2 or 3 times a week. Since he's not jogging or doing physical work, I figure that's enough.

SDianeL

Welcome. I am a full time caregiver for my DH who is 78. I'm 75. He also wouldn't shower or change clothes. Until I read the book "The 36 Hour Day" -- there are 3 reasons why they don't shower: 1. They don't remember the last time they showered. 2. There are too many steps in the process and they are overwhelmed. 3. They worry about falling. Once I learned that, I made a deal with my DH that he would shower 2x a week on the days we go get his newspaper (yes he still reads every word in the newspapers on Wed & Sun). Not sure if he understands or remembers it but it seems to calm him. He said OK to the 2 days. Now on those days, I get his fresh clothes ready, I get the shower ready with his towel, wash cloth, body wash, shower chair, and a step to get into the shower (tub shower combo). At first I even turned on the water to get it warm and not too hot. Then I say to him after breakfast, it's shower day and your shower is ready whenever you are. No arguing. It's working 90% of the time. I'll take it. As others have said, bribe with ice cream, a car ride or whatever might work with her. Arguing won't help because you can't reason with someone whose "reasoner" is broken.

Gthoma

I had same issues with DW. I have to caution myself not to think I've "solved" this. It's just finding what works at the time. So, for me, I just don't ask or talk about it. I just pick out her clothes (I usually find one or two things like socks or a blouse she can pick out so that usually satisfies her). I just run the bath water and soap up the wash cloth and say ok now it's time to get in. If she objects (this is something I learned from someone else on this forum) I say "well, it's here, it would be a shame to waste it."

We got the waterless rinseless cloths. I thought they were pretty good and demonstrated for DW but she wouldnt try. Maybe too "new." Maybe the fragrance.

It's awkward since DW has always been very modest. We're still working on overcoming this but making progress.

Good luck!

Cherjer

My dh has not had a shower or bath for at least 1.5 years. He gets clean everyday with a "bed bath"...just thoroughly cleaning his "private parts" and rest of body wipe down, When my dh objected to a shower I read the the shower is like needles attacking his body. After I read that I no longer stressed about a shower. My dh's skin looks wonderful, and he has no sores etc. He is at home in late stage 7, but he looks wonderful and no longer stressed that he is not showering.

Pat6177

My DH (stage 5) showers every 10-14 days. I start about 3 days ahead of time. I tell him “it’s time to start thinking about a shower”. Then I drop it. If he doesn’t bring it up the next day, I repeat “it’s time to start thinking about a shower”. Then he begins to think it’s his idea. And he’ll announce that he’ll be taking a shower that day. Then I ask him to let me know when he’s going to take his shower so I can turn on the little space heater and warm up the bathroom. I nudge him till he follows thru since he’s always been a great procrastinator! Planting the seed so that he thinks that it’s his idea works for right now. I’ll go with it until it stops working.

Walter0617

My DW is stage 6, age 69, and about 6 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis. She has not taken a shower or bath in over two years. I've tried everything and nothing works. The good thing is that she still takes sponge baths in the sink and manages to stay clean. I take her to Great Clips fairly regularly to get her hair shampooed. She wears the same cloths for a week or two at a time. Sometimes I can get her to change clothes, but it isn't worth the distress it causes her. On the positive side, she does change her underwear fairly often. I agree with Cherjer. It just isn't worth the agitation and frustration of trying to get her to shower. In all honesty, I'm dealing with far bigger battles these days such as delusions and extreme agitation. She often doesn't know who I am, so trying to help her with the shower is a non-starter. When I consider it from her perspective, I have to ask myself if I would want a total stranger helping me take a shower? Probably not.

Joydean

I have had a hard time getting my dh in the shower because he is always cold. The AC is set on 80 and he wears a fleece lined jacket over his shirt. What works for me is I told him I would wash him because I might be able to get him washed a little quicker. When I get him in the shower I talk to him constantly, telling him how nice the water feels, how good he smells with his body wash, just on and on until I get him clean. I turn the water off and keep talking about how warm the towel feels, well I’m sure you get the idea. I have him dried and clean clothes on and ready to get him back in his chair and a snack ready. I know he has no idea what I was talking about but it kept him distracted enough to get the job done quickly. So far it works for now. I only do this once a week.

JeriLynn66

My Father in law is fearful of falling but will occasionally allow the staff to assist him to shower.

He is very modest and as his daughter in law I am not comfortable giving him a shower (even though I am a retired RN). So, I just say “why don’t we get cleaned up while I’m here to help .. and oh I forgot, I brought you some dark chocolate: we can have a little treat!!”. That way at least I get a quick peek at his backside to check his skin.. sneaky, I know but it’s what I can manage at this point..

Jeff86

A big part of my DW’s objection to a shower is being cold after undressing. So before a shower I turn on a space heater in the bathroom and make the space warmer than the rest of the house. We use a shower chair and a handheld shower to manage fear of falling and keep the water out of her eyes.

M5M

we are not at this problem yet, but I was wondering if DH sits on the shower bench and I start w gentle water on his feet..we have a hand held attachment. Then move up to rest of body? I noted the comment that PWD might feel the water is sharp spraying on them.

ClarkF

My DW is very resistant to take a shower. She always took sink baths when she could still clean up by herself. She never liked taking a tub bath. It has been a bit of a journey but I have made progress by getting the bathroom all ready before starting. I get the towels, washcloths and a change of underwear ready. I warm up the water in the tub/shower. She loves to listen to '50s and '60s rock and roll music so I get my phone set up in the bathroom with music playing. She has trouble physically getting into the tub so I got a shower chair that has a seat with a back and seat belt. The seat pivots and slides. That really makes a difference getting her into the tub. I do the wash up but I give her a washcloth so she can participate. We sing along with the music and I let her know what I'm doing as we progress. The more we do this the easier it has become.
When it comes to dressing I have a lot of her favorite clothes on the lowboy dresser in our bedroom. Together we pick out something she would like to wear.