So far so good … guardianship in the process

livlea

92 years old living alone in Senior Housing appartement, still very physically in shape but loosing it ..

We finally managed to bring mother to 2nd doctor’s appointment to have her tested and send off the papers to the Notary for our Protection Mandate to be homologated ( I think guardianship in US) we are in Canada.

Not sure she understood the implication (maybe better that way) we said it was to have power in the future if ever she falls and become unconscious ..

She is adamant of not giving us POA because she think’s we will put her away , we managed to get a POA for her bank , I think she does not remember ..

doctor asked her if she thought she had Alzheimer and she laughed and said hell no !

« I am perfectly fine « 

Why can’t we tell her she has Alzheimer’s ?

It will be written on the report and she want’s to see it , will she freak out ?

The Notary will also call her and advise her

She is soooo stubborn and is lying a lot lately about incident that happens

example : forgetting to turn off stove top , tell’s us a whole story about how the stove is dangerous and has to be changed , it won’t turn off !!!

The Protection Mandate might take months to get homologated , keeping our fingers crossed 🤞

Iris L.

If she is leaving the stove on unattended, it is already past time for her to be living alone. There are very important aspects of Alzheimer's Disease that you need to know. PWDs (persons with dementia) have anosognosia, which means they are unaware that they have dementia. They truly believe they are fine, as she has stated. This is not denial, but evidence of the brain disease. If you try to confront her with reality, she will resist and become upset. Some family members might tell the PWD once but never again, some never tell at all.

The other important thing is that she is not lying. She may be confabulating, piecing together scattered random memories. Or she may just be totally confused about things, because thst is what dementia means, being totally confused.

PWDs are unaware of safety, so that will have to be your goal, to keep her safe. The members have tactics for safety and other caregiving aspects. Read a lot of threads and post often. The members are knowledgeable and willing to share.

Iris

SDianeL

My DH 78 was diagnosed 2 years ago. The Neurologist's first diagnosis was Dementia probably vascular. He's Stage 5 going into Stage 6. 6 months ago I was talking to my daughter about my sister who has dementia and my husband looked at me and said "I don't have that, do I?" I simply said yes honey you do and he looked sad but dropped it and never mentioned it again. He doesn't even remember the conversation. I just tell him he has trouble with his brain and needs meds to help. I didn't tell him when they recently changed the diagnosis to ALZ-Posterior Cortical Atrophy. I wouldn't matter anyway. So if she gets upset, try distraction, or a treat or just let her vent. She probably won't remember it anyway. Just temporary. The disease causes anger & agitation and there are medications that can help.

Jo C.

Welcome livlea; I am sorry for what is happening. Does Canada have anything similar to our Adult Protective Services, (APS), that can go in and make an evaluation and if matters are found to be severe or dangerous, can make an emergency recommendation to have special action taken pretty much immediately?

Alzheimer's Assn. Canada: https://www.alz.org/ca/what-we-do-canada.asp

Our Alz Assn has a Helpline we can call and get assistance from a Care Consultant, who are a highly educated Social Workers who specializes in dementia; it can be supportive and very helpful; perhaps your agency has Social Workers to assist in problem solving and input.

As for telling her she has Alzheimer's. That may not be a positive move. Her brain is, through no fault of her own, "broken." She no longer has the capacity for logic, reasoning or judgment that we have as our brains are not damaged. She cannot be expected to process information or matters properly by this point in time. She may also have "anosognosia," the inability to realize anything is wrong with her. You can get info on this using Google. A very good bit of reading that can be found online that may be very helpful, is, "Understanding The Dementia Experience." by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. It is also available in a very reasonably priced booklet through Amazon and book sellers.

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/1/understanding-the-dementia-experience#hlangandcommun  

Key to success when we begin to find ourselves in the midst of something we have never done before; especially when dementia is present, is to educate ourselves. Read, read, read and then read some more. You are doing the best you can now; but as you become more educated to dementia, things will be better managed through understanding. Knowledge really is power when it comes to dementia dynamics; I learned this the hard way.

Your Loved One (LO) is not lying; she actually believes what she is saying; the broken brain sends out the information in fragments or even fully, and no matter it is not accurate, it is as real to her as the chair you are sitting on. It is important to understand that no amount of arguing, point out facts, insisting, etc. will be helpful. She is going to believe what she believes. One of the best tools in the Caregiver Toolbox is that of the, "therapeutic fiblet." We often, when necessary, use fiblets to get things accomplished or to get done what needs doing. It is NOT a moral lapse; it is a kindness to our LOs and prevents a lot of resistance and meltdowns.

Sometimes, our LOs will "confabulate," make up stories as though they are fact. That too is a product of the broken brain and is factual to her. Again; arguing and pointing out is not helpful.

As for the "report," why not a fiblet for why it is not available and then change the subject and refocus her; if she will be upset at reading the report, what is the purpose? If she has anosognosia, the inability to realize she has something wrong with herself, there is no point to causing upheaval.

What is the Notary supposed to do? If it is to tell her she has dementia, that in all probability not going to be helpful at this time. You want her to trust you and not rock the boat until your legal processes are complete. HOWEVER: If it is to let her know her legal rights in the approaching court case, then that is usually required by law; at least down here in the U.S. it is. There may be some fallout, just be prepared.

It does sound as though she is not safe being alone. The stove issue is a significant issue and knobs may have to be removed or the stove disconnected. Same with microwave. Is there someone who can stay with her, even if hired? Or; can she go to stay with one of her adult children on a "vacation" until such time the legal process is complete?

When our LO is irritated or agitated, it is often helpful to simply acknowledge the feelings behind her words rather than respond to the words themselves. "I am sorry you are angry and upset; I would be angry too. I will help you with (whatever is the issue) and will take care of it." If she is angry at YOU , and blames you, simply use the same tactic. "I am sorry I have upset you and made you angry; I will do better next time, hey; let's go get a cup of coffee and some cookies," In other words, validate the feelings behind her words AND then refocus her asap.

One more thing; sometimes when our LO has a change in behaviors, it is good to check for a "silent" urinary tract infection. These UTIs are called, "Silent," because there will be no signs of pain, burning, frequency, etc., BUT often, there will be a change in behavior to the negative side of the ledger and it can be dramatic. Once treated, things go back to the usual. It happens quite often, so always good to check.

You are doing your very best under very difficult circumstances; she is certainly blessed to have such loving and caring family. Let us know how thing are and how you are doing; I so hope the legal process does not take as long as it seems it may.. Here's hoping . . .

With warmest thoughts being sent your way from one daughter to another,

J.