How to move LO

rcosta

Hello,
Although my plan had been to have an aid live with my mother, I am realizing that MC is something I must consider.

I suspect there is no easy answer to this question, but how do I tell her? How much time between when I tell her and we move? She will need to be evaluated first at the facility so she will know something is up.

Although her loneliness and despondency have all increased, she has told me flat out that she will not go anywhere. And the disease has gotten worse so reason is not an option.

I would love to hear if anyone has any tips and/or suggestions.

Thanks.

Rich Costa

M1

Hi Rich. Others will have an opinion, but i wouldn't tell her. I know that's very counterintuitive, but a) she won't remember it, and b) as with a toddler, you don't give her the opportunity to say no. The staff can help you come up with a fiblet-this is a new doctor's office, this is an interview to see if you qualify for a new medicine, it's an interview for nursing needs now required by Medicare- something on that line. The day of the move, you just go as if you're going for lunch and let the staff take it from there.

SusanB-dil

Hi Rich - welcome to 'here'.

Totally agree with M1. You just don't tell her. Fiblets - I like 'this is a new doctor/doctor's office'. A lot of folks also say that "the house is being worked on and you will be staying here 'for now' " (broken pipe, bathroom leak, whatever works). Repeat as necessary.

You cannot reason with someone whose reasoning is broken. With placing her in MC, you will still be her advocate, but can go back to being loving son instead of frazzled caregiver.

MN Chickadee

Therapeutic fibs. Is it an option for the nurse or whoever does the evaluating to come to her in her current home? Our facility did this and it worked well. They actually came to my mother's day program, we pulled her out for a few minutes for the evaluation. Mom didn't really understand who she was and just went along with it. We called it a wellness check. And actually the nurse didn't need mom for much of it, she did a simple exam and mental tests and the part that required her was very quick. Much of it I answered without mom even in the room about what kinds of care she would require, what her current skill level was and her interests and tastes. If you must take her to the facility for the evaluation ahead of time, come up with a fib. You're going to the senior center for lunch and look, free blood pressure checks! A nurse who works with dementia patients should be used to finessing the situation. Or it's a new clinic the doctor wants us to go to etc. Maybe bring a second person who could take her for a walk if things go south and you can get the part related to her over quickly and answer the rest alone. As for the actual move, again, fibs. You work behind the scenes, get things all ready ahead of time and give no warning. We usually call it temporary. The doctor wants you to stay here a few days to work on that ______ (bad hip, blood pressure, diabetes management etc.) Or there is a problem at the house and you'll stay here until the furnace is fixed etc. It's hard but usually the best if not the only way to get our LOs to get the care they need.