Just exhausted

JMack88

I need to vent a little and this is a good place to do so. I am mentally, and physically exhausted. It seems like I have rarely had a moment to myself in years. I just want time to focus on my own health because my back is killing me and might need surgery. I'm overweight and want to start exercise and diet to lose weight which would help my back as well as my arthritis, GERD, and sleep apnea. However, first my father became ill and passed away after a couple of years of caring for him. Then we realized mom has early dementia which has been progressing as expected. I moved in to help my sister with mom during the COVID years and now my sister doesn't want me to move out because we both need to watch mom. So I'm working from home full time and keeping an eye on mom during the day and my sister who teaches tries to keep up with mom's nighttime wake-ups. It's exhausting. I don't feel like I had any time to grieve my father due to mom's situation. Even before Dad got sick, I was still reeling from a divorce and interstate move. I honestly wish I had a year to just curl up and hide in my own condo, read good books and pull myself together. I'm tired of being around my mom who drives me crazy asking the same things over and over. I'm tired of living out of a suitcase at my sister's house in the guest room. I don't want to regret not doing everything I can for mom. Does anyone else feel this way?

SusanB-dil

Hi JMack88 - This is a good place to vent. You desperately need some respite. Can you have someone else come in for at least a day or more a week? Would mom be able to go out to an adult daycare a couple days a week? As far as the sleeping, do tell her doc she is not sleeping through the night. You could even check MC facilities nearby to see if they can take care of her for a full week or two. Has she had a hospice evaluation?

Sounds like you and sis both need a break.

And yes - it is so dang frustrating, agitating, aggravating, and then some!

It may even be time to consider placing her. You'd still be doing what you can, but the bulk of the care would be off you and sister's shoulders.

So sorry you are dealing with all of 'this'...

ESkayP

I actually had it in my head that if my sister lived closer and was willing to help me take care of Mom we wouldn't have had to place her in AL then swiftly MC. You have the situation I thought would be better, and I can see now that it isn't better (or worse), just different and still very, very hard on everyone concerned. With Mom living in MC, I do get to be away from her, but that has its own set of stressors. I'm not successful with self care right now either. I don't sleep well, and I forget to stay hydrated. I hope you find more support in caring for your mom so you can focus on your own well-being.

machelriller

Yes, I can very much relate. My mom passed in 2020 after an extended illness. My brother and I were her caregivers on and off for over ten years and then full time for her last few months. During that time, we realized that my dad was having memory issues. My brother moved in with my parents and worked, then scaled down to part time work, then quit his job to be a full time caregiver to my dad in April of this year. The toll on his mental health has been extreme. I live several states away and have been visiting as often as I can which is draining for me too.

We are in our 30s so very few of our peers are experiencing this. I want to start my own family and the biological clock is ticking. My brother wants to live independently and not as a caregiver.

We moved my dad to MC close to me yesterday. It’s obviously too soon to say how it is going but these were some of our reasons. I hope once he adjusts I’ll be able to spend quality time with him. And I really hope my brother will be able to take care of himself in a way he has not been able to in years. It was a very hard decision and I definitely still have doubt. But I don’t think any decisions are easy with dementia.