New to the site, need urgent help

MickiM

Hi All,
I just found this site while searching for resources to help me. My mother has diagnosed dementia (unknown type) and my stepfather is rapidly following in her footsteps but is not yet diagnosed. They are both in their 80s.

They are living in a private home and are dangerously compromised. We have been able to get my mother to stop driving but stepfather still insists on doing so. Their relationship is strained to begin with and mother forgets who her husband is so frequently we have been called to the house with her in a panic. The police have been called there at 2 AM and we have been forced to drive over there most days and some nights. It is 20 miles way so there is always a time factor involved. There have been incidents of them leaving doors open, appliances on, and other things that pose a real danger. Everyone we have asked has said there is nothing we can do until a major incident occurs. What if that incident kills either of them? I can't believe there is nothing we can do. We are in northern Ohio. If anyone has a number for someone we can call we would appreciated it.

As others have noted, getting power of attorney or even basic cooperation has been a challenge. They are combative with each other and with us if we try to suggest any sort of restrictions or help.

dancsfo

Have you tried Ohio Dept of Aging, and see who they can refer you to? I think your situation requires reaching out to a variety of services or people who can help (legal, safety, perhaps medical)

There is a phone number at this site and I see services close to Cleveland, Akron and elsewhere.

https://aging.ohio.gov/find-services

JeriLynn66

This site has a 24 hour hotline with access to trained professional care coordinators..

MickiM

Thanks for the link to the Dept. of Aging. I will be calling them on Monday. Jerilynn66, did you intend to put in another link or were you adding your endorsement to dancfso's post.

In any case, thanks for the quick responses. It can be overwhelming when you are going it alone. I didn't mention that I'm an only child of an only child. there is no one else to help with this.

M1

if they will not sign a power of attorney you may have to pursue guardianship. Talk to a certified elder law attorney asap-look at nelf.org.

dancsfo

@MickiM I'm not sure if @JeriLynn66 was intending to put another link, but I do know that Alzheimer's Association has a 24/7 hotline. It's on the upper right corner of https://www.alz.org/

I feel for the responsibility and burden on an only child. Do take care of yourself, so you can do a good job to help your mom and stepfather. It's easy to neglect or defer stuff like the Fall '23 COVID-19 vaccine or flu shots (or any other precautions you prefer), and the last thing you want is to be out of commission for a while when others need you. And be careful when driving. Driving when worrying and frazzled can make me less attentive -- especially dangerous with winter weather coming. Taking care of yourself is not necessarily selfish. It can help others indirectly.