Dad diagnosed w/Alzheimer's

n33t

I'm curious if there are stages in Alzheimer's that make the patient aware at times who they're corresponding with.

Mom will tell me when he has his outburst/episodes of frustration he's mean and nasty however this is only displayed when I'm either not at the house or not in the room - when I'm in the room, he doesn't flare up like he does with the household.

I could be sitting in the living room with him all day and he's happy as a clam but when anyone else (mom or granddaughter) are around, I'm told he doesn't like the way either one stares(looks at him, it could be a glance) or any if something is said to him he's quickly defensive and the episodes start.

I've heard them and when I enter the room, he either goes to his tv room slamming the door or he'll be leaving the house for a walk almost to avoid confrontation when i check what is going on. (i have his phone on track so i'll know which direction hes headed when he goes for walks; as of now, his memory still allows him to remember where home is.)

It's almost like a cat, who picks their person of comfort while the others get the claws.

Emily 123

Exactly. The persons who do the caregiving are also the people who do things like trying to get the person to maintain their hygeine, and create some structure for them so they can navigate their day. That can involve a flow of interactions or discussions that may not make sense to the person with disease because of their inability to perceive the ongoing changes to themselves (anosognosia). Even if it's subtle, the person with dementia will pick up on it, and it creates some negative emotions towards those people.

They may feel like they're constantly being corrected or disagreed with as the caregivers try to shepherd them safely through their day (keeping in mind that the caregiver still has to handle their own chores, jobs, households, etc., and so may feel the pressures of a schedule that the person with dementia doesn't). And the caregivers are often going to be perceived as the people who can absorb the persons emotional behaviors--they aren't going anywhere, because there's still a connection. They are the person's 'safe' relationship.

A lack of empathy and understanding and a lessening of a person's ability to manage their responses due to the diseases progression will mean that the caregivers are going to bear the brunt of the resultant anger and confusion. Your dad may still remember that he doesn't want to argue with your mom in front of you, and so he's able to modify his behavior when you're around.

As he progresses it wouldn't be unusual to see this anger and pushback stop, but for now the wear and tear will be considerable on your mom. I would discuss, with her, having his healthcare provider be made aware so that they can consider if medication could help, and would see if your mom needs some time in her day to join a support group. The help line here is always open, as are the threads--the spouse thread is full of amazing compassionate people who have seen it all.

Vicki from 'Dementia with Grace' talks about this with a great deal of compassion when she discussed stage 4:

Stage 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coiZbpyvTNg

These are so helpful: https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65993/excellent-handout-packet-dementia-stages-cgs-actively-dying-tam-cummings

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65171/books-about-alzheimers-disease

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66314/anosognosia-how-to-help-when-they-dont-know-theyre-ill#latest