I am not sure where to start

WD212

It feels abusive, manipulative, but I know it is TBI and some type of dementia progression but there is a blindness to there around that anything is wrong.

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WD212

Thank you @Victoria2020

that was a helpful read

so now am I supposed to get the courage to talk with doctors? My problem is the patient is a doctor and is convincing that he is within reasonable boundaries

I either say he is competent or he is not

JeriLynn66

Many people communicate with the Physician privately,?either by phone or written notes prior to the appointment/visit. Explain symptoms, behaviors and concerns.

Denise1847

Hi Victoria,

It is important to communicate with your DH's doctor privately as several have suggested. It will help both of you in the long run. Medications may help, but know your DH probably doesn't have a clue as to what is going on with him. If he has any inkling, he is in strong denial for his own emotional protection. Please let us know how you are doing. This is a very difficult journey.

mrahope

I feel you on having a spouse who is/was a professional. My DH was a clinical and forensic psychologist. This made getting him to undergo neuropsychological testing very difficult. He's not on medication for difficult behavior yet, but I anticipate problems there, too. He has pretty deep familiarity with medications used for behavior issues, though he isn't current with the latest ones. I would reinforce what others have said. It made me uncomfortable to go behind his back, but communication with whatever doctor(s) is treating him is key. If need be, make yourself an appointment for a "checkup" and don't be shy in talking to the doctor about the stress you're under and it's probable causes. My DH only rarely has a clue how much his angry and aggressive behaviors can affect those around him.

trottingalong

In speaking with his doctor privately, be sure to have examples of his behavior and the timeline of changes. My DH is quite charming and laughs easily and his doctor really likes him. I recently spoke with the doctor privately and he was surprised by what I was saying and said he found DH to be completely cognizant in those 15 minutes we saw him.

Iris L.

Take videos on your smartphone to show to the doctor. Also, read the stages, so you can communicate better with the doctor.

Iris

Jo C.

That is certainly a challenge. In our instance, my LO could appear just fine and insist all was fine for the time with the physicians. I finally realized that I needed to give accurate input, but could not do so in front of my LO.

What I did was to write a detailed memo outlining all the changes in behavior, cognition and function and get it to the physician a few days prior to the appointment. I would let staff know it was time sensitive to the appointment, and to please get it on the doctors desk asap. NOTE: I also labeled the Memo in big letters: CONFIDENTIAL.

I also carried a copy of the memo in my handbag. When in the waiting room at the office, I would excuse myself "to use the bathroom." What I actually did was to get myself behind the door to the inner office. I then asked staff to check with the physician to see if he/she had read the memo. If so; fine. If not, I had the one in my handbag and asked the staff to please have the doctor read it prior to entering the exam room as it was pertinent to the exam. It all worked fine and made a difference.

At one point, things had gone south in a big way.. I then realized more than a memo was necessary and made an appointment with the physician for consult for just me alone. I was able to speak freely and express the changes and challenges. That too was very helpful.

It is a long and ever changing path we are on when dementia is at hand; sometimes moreso in the beginning, I send best wishes as you move forward.

J.

J.

Katie Roo

At DH last appt, his doctor asked how things were going. Told DH not to speak, and said he wanted to know what I noticed. He then asked DH what he had noticed. I am also able to document my concerns and give to doctor prior to next visit. He is also available to me via scheduled phone call. This allows me to speak freely and give doctor better insight. It has worked for us.