Ok thanks for the info. Now what do we do??

FrankM2006

What a horrific disease this is. An absolute living death for them - and us.
This is my first post & :s I know I'm not alone here, but, in short, what about both elderly parents with dementia? Mom is clearly the worst with her irrational anger, confusion, and waning self care. Dad's forgetfulness and confusion are worsening by the day, but not sure if it's exhaustion or disease progression. Their doctors have determined that it's Alzheimers and prescribed Aricept. Bravo. Strong work. Now how do we convince them to take a drug for a disease they deny they have ? How do we make them accept visiting aides (for $8000/mo)? They refuse all reasonable help unless we provide it ourselves - and even that is dicey anymore. What can we do when they're up all night arguing over dog food, or over dead relatives, or what shelf the milk belongs on? Btw, yes, they do have a dog.
I've learned that over these worsening months that there's very little we can do outside of legal declaration of incompetence. But then what? You can't just dump off people at a memory care "facility". There's little space available, or there's a wait list, or completely cost prohibitive for 2 people. Where can we turn for REAL help when we don't even know where to start? The wheels are coming off this train. How do people cope?

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

irene912

FrankM2006 Yep, difficulty giving pills, when asked, what is this, don't think it does anything, I don't believe in pills, I don't need them...& the aide problem. We're trying it for my mom & it's causing a lot of anxiety & grief! I'm sorry you're dealing with it x2!

BookBuffBex

@FrankM2006 It's exhausting! Victoria posted a lot of useful suggestions. I used to tell the social workers at the ER they needed "Safe Haven" laws for senior citizens. Just drop them off and then I could disappear. LOL!!!

Seriously though, as an only child with 2 aging parents, I completely understand what you are going through.

I recently had to separate my parents, which is really hard, but it was necessary. Mom's Alzheimer behaviors were more than my dad could handle. She was sleeping all day and staying up all night, keeping lights on, wandering around the apartment, etc. The lack of sleep and stress caused dad to experience severe dementia in a way he hadn't previously. He was so confused he was falling and was sent to ER a few times. After a few days separate from mom, getting a decent nights sleep, following a schedule, and socializing with other residents, he was significantly improved. They are now "permanently" in separate rooms, with mom in the memory care unit and dad in traditional. I share this because you may need to consider separating your parents to see if it helps either of them. Maybe you place just your mom in a facility and see if your dad improves? If they are co-dependent the way my parents are, separating them forces them to accept help that they previously declined.

Use the resources available to you - Is there a senior center where you live? They may have suggestions for help that is local to you. Also ask the Dr for resources - even if it's just a printed handout, it's a place to start.

Good luck!