Experienced my first "shock"

LJCHR

I joined this forum in March of this year - and it has been helpful and informative. My DH was diagnosed with MCI concerning Alzheimer's in August of 2021. Afterthought, I had noticed vague signs probably as early back as 2019.

He has displayed the typical signs of memory loss, difficulty operating computer, cell phone, etc. He hasn't driven since diagnosis and I administer his medications each day, put out his clean clothes, tell him to wash his hands, etc. It has been mentally tiring because of the diagnosis and getting adjusted to new life.

I have been reading from this site the "shock" that occurs all of a sudden - wondering when it was our time and I experienced that yesterday. My DH has always filled the car with gasoline without any problem until yesterday. I watched him take the gas nozzle in one hand and the credit card in the other and stand blank faced not knowing what to do next. I got out and took him thru it step by step but he was still very confused.

My heart is broken - my wonderful, kind DH is slipping deeper now into this horrible disease. The blessing is that he does not realize what's going on, and I am so thankful for that. Unfortunately, his loved ones DO .....

Thank you all for the wonderful insight and support I get from this site. It is indeed a good forum to belong to.

Howaboutnow

I’m sorry, those gut-punch moments are really hard.

RCT

My heart aches for you…..I understand anticipatory grief….we are watching our loved change right before our eyes! And we miss what we once had….savor the good moments! Blessings

Arrowhead

My wife was a wonderful cook and she loved cooking. My moment came when I realized that she could no longer cook. She couldn't even follow her own lasagna recipe.

ImMaggieMae

It does seem like these losses occur all of a sudden and I feel so bad for you because we’ve all gone through these steps and it’s tough. Sometimes they seem to go back and forth on different days or even weeks or months. But eventually the losses seem to stick. I remember the first time my DH had trouble with putting gas in the car. He was no longer driving, but volunteered to put the gas in while I sat in the car. I wanted to cry.

SDianeL

I know how the gut punches feel. My first one came in 2021 before he was diagnosed. He looked at my daughter and asked her what her brother's relationship to her was. I couldn't breathe. That's when I called the doctor. I've had many more gut punches the last 2 years. 2 weeks ago, he put on 2 pair of underwear and put his shorts on backwards. This week he can't figure out how to put on his shoes and socks. Seems the gut punches are coming more frequently. 😪

LJCHR

Thank you for all of your feedback. The fear of what's in the future sometimes is too much to bear, but you just keep going. I still second guess myself, but I suspect that's part of the grief we caregivers go through. Like a lot of you that I've read, I just pray that he can live with me until the end. I lost my first husband of 48 years suddenly from a heart attack years ago and I thought that was the most horrible thing I could ever go through, but not sure now. This disease is heartbreaking, brutal and exhausting.

Howaboutnow

It is,,,,sending you a hug :-) Hang in there.

Ed1937

"My wife was a wonderful cook and she loved cooking. My moment came when I realized that she could no longer cook. She couldn't even follow her own lasagna recipe." I could have written that. My wife was known across town for the meals she put on the table. Mid December 2019 she asked me if I wanted pancakes for breakfast. I said that sounded good. She opened the door to the fridge, took out the buttermilk, then stood there. I asked her what was wrong. She said she didn't know what to do. I'll never forget that. She never cooked again.

But whatever it is that hits you so hard doesn't really matter. If it hits you hard, it's exceptionally hard to handle. That was the hardest loss for me. There were a lot of losses after that, but none had the impact the first one did. Maybe the first one gives you a little immunity for what is to follow. Maybe.

GothicGremlin

Cooking.....

One of the first things that kicked me was when my cousin told me that Peggy's spaghetti sauce tasted funny and that she had to redo it. Peggy had taken over spaghetti sauce & meatball duty. We're Italian, so we have an Italian feast at Christmas, and it's such a big deal that we divide up the cooking. The next thing was that Peggy asked me if I would make the meatballs because she wasn't sure she could make them. In my head I was thinking, "what do you mean?? We were born knowing how to make meatballs! Thankfully I didn't say that, and I just made the meatballs. But I knew that something was seriously wrong. The lost car in San Francisco came a couple of months later, and that's when I had a heart to heart with her.

I feel you @LJCHR It's so very hard.