Hallucinations

leasdad

My wife who is mild /moderate accuses me of having affairs with other women. Up till now I’ve been ok with dealing with everything. How do I answer or calm this delusion. It really hurts me

Ed1937

Welcome to the forum, but sorry you have a need for it. That delusion is very common for people suffering with dementia. For the last couple of months, my wife did the same thing. She even mentioned it to our kids, who told her I didn't have time for something like that. When she would ask me about my girlfriend, I'd just deny it, then quickly change the subject. There are medications that might help with that, and you could talk to her doctor about it. You can also search youtube for videos on delusions. There are videos on most symptoms. My favorites are Teepa Snow, Natalie Edmonds, and Tam Cummings. They are all excellent.

M1

It will probably take medication to tamp this down, delusions are a later stage symptom and not subject to rational denial. That said, my partner also accused me of infidelity, but wasn't a delusion; she just couldn't understand any other reason why I was leaving her alone without me in an unfamiliar place.

MN Chickadee

It may manifest out of anxiety and insecurity as she has some awareness of her deficits and disease. She won't process logic, so trying to convince her of the facts is useless and will only feed into her suspicion of you. You might try keeping it simple, just say oh no I could never look at another woman, you are all I need. Or promise to never to it again if she won't come around. Therapeutic fibs are usually the only way out of these situations unless medications are warranted. And you may just have to let it roll off. With time it will pass but I understand how hurtful it is now. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Ed1937

" Or promise to never to it again if she won't come around." While I don't think I have ever disagreed with MN Chickadee before, I don't think it would be a good thing to admit to something like that. Even if she didn't remember that you admitted to it, she will still probably remember for some time how it made her feel.

leasdad

I can’t say I cheated on her. I can’t bring myself to admit something like that to the love of life that is not true. Our relationship was al my ways complete trust. I keep thinking she’s or part of her is in there and lying like that would ruin the trust we have had and need as long as we can. Does seroquel help.

Ed1937

"When she would ask me about my girlfriend, I'd just deny it, then quickly change the subject. " The reason I said that is because PWD have a hard time keeping more than one thought at a time. Changing the subject quickly may get her mind off the delusion.

TerrificWeber

When do the accusations end?? My partner gets aggressive when he talks about my imaginary friend. It sometimes takes hours before he can get that thought out of his head.

M1

Yes, seroquel should help. There's a wide dose range, usually starting doses are 12.5-25 mg but can go as high as 100mg and can be given anywhere from once a day to four times a day.

SDianeL

Delusions are common. Try not to take it personally and quickly change the subject or ask them a question. They also confabulate. Make things up. My DH told my daughter that I gave $9000 to my Step-Dad for his birthday. He calls my Step-Dad my "boyfriend"... Medications may help. My DH is on Risperidone low dose 2x a day and it has really helped with the delusions and has helped him sleep.

leasdad

I can’t tell you all how much this helps. Just to know others are dealing with this and surviving intact. Be able to read and see what you see makes it a lot less lonely. Thank you all

Dio

My DH didn't exactly accuse me of infidelity. But he did accuse me of wanting to divorce him, take all his money, throw him out and that he'd end up homeless. I asked him why would he think that? He said it was because he was sick and that I didn't want him anymore (my heart ached for him). He started packing a suitcase and asked me to help him pack, and that all he wanted was his checkbook. Nothing I did could deter him. I made the grave mistake of trying to stop him from leaving. An altercation ensued where I got bruised up. I called 911. He was taken to the ER (or jail, was the other choice I had to make). This repeated within 2 weeks. In the last 911 episode, after a night's stay in the ER, he asked me to take him straight to a homeless shelter. I quickly asked the attending nurse why was he asking me that? She intervened but it was short lived. This fear finally disappeared after his first dose of the right medication for the correct diagnosis of LBD.

Others may be able to provide more helpful tips. I'll leave it to the experts, as I feel I had failed miserably when it happened to us.

leasdad

How can we fail. There is no guide book or clear path. All we can do is try in the moment

JiminTexas

It is good to hear that others are being accused of having girl/boy friends. I have been getting that for last few months. Comes up perioically with new details everytime. I just reiterate my love and care for her and move on. Can't let it get to you personally.

leasdad

It’s hard to not let it affect you. The delusion involves a person on my street and I worry what could happen. My DW might go after her verbally and this women will react to it. So every time we go out of the house she attacks me with things like how long have you been f——— her? Really deflating and keeps me on edge. I can’t leave her alone even for a bit now. Not because she can’t take simple enough care but because her mind runs wild I don’t have anytime for myself. I used to get up early and walk 5 miles a day to prepare myself while she was still in bed now she gets up early and puts demands immediately on me

Ed1937

"The delusion involves a person on my street and I worry what could happen. My DW might go after her verbally and this women will react to it." Do you think it might be a good idea to let that woman know what is going on? Just explain that she has dementia, and has delusions? She will likely be empathetic, and not surprised if something should happen. I probably won't happen, but at least you can feel a little weight being lifted off your shoulders. Just a thought.

leasdad

Been pondering telling the person about the delusion but we are not what I would call close -just neighbors. She is a bit frightened by life as she lives alone. Don’t want her worrying about it but you are probably correct and I need to tell her. Just not sure how and I believe it would be better outside DW purview. I am afraid If she got inkling that I even talk to the women it would confirm her unfounded beliefs and ingrain it even more. It’s amazing how she can’t remember anything recent but this delusion of the past 3 weeks is steadfast and upfront in her brain

Iris L.

This is my thought: A single woman might feel uncomfortable having a strange man come to tell her about his wife's delusions about her. Perhaps you can find a neutral neighbor to accompany you. I know I would be upset to hear this from someone I didn't know.

Iris

leasdad

thanks. That might be a better way. I’ll ask another neighbor

Ed1937

Iris said "This is my thought:" And a very good one.

BPS

My wife also accuses me of having an affair. The problem is that she thinks it is with our 18 year old granddaughter and my concern is that she will say something to her and her family are the only people that has shown any support but I know they can't come to visit and help if their daughter is being attacked from her grandma. I am thinking about the next time she accuses me telling her that is wrong if I was going to have an affair it would be with some one closer to my age that I would have more in common with, still not admitting anything. Hoping it would at least lessen the chances of her attacking our granddaughter. My thought is that she may still believe I am cheating but also still be able to maintain support from my son and his family. I don't know if this is a good idea but I want to protect others from her delusions.

Iris L.

Does she know that your granddaughter is your granddaughter? Or does she think your granddaughter is a random young pretty woman? You have to get over the idea that your LO is still thinking logically. She is having delusions, which are false beliefs. I don't think talk about having an affair with someone closer to your age is a wise idea with a PWD. My suggestion would be for granddaughter to stay away for a while. Others might have a better suggestion.

Iris

MackWheaton

😀My wife has vascular dementia, advanced, but honestly she used to say that long before the onset. I’m her full time 24/7/365 caregiver with about 3 hours 2 days a week of care and cleaning by a daughter in law.

She still makes those accusations, I try to lighten the mood by saying, “Do you really think someone else would have me?” Or “I can barely handle you, let alone the other 6”, or whatever comes to mind that is light and inoffensive. Since it’s always after I’ve gone to the store, I change the conversation to what I brought her. That helps too.

leasdad

I try the lighten the mood tricks with the same self deprecating humor but she just shrugs and says yeah sure. I hope it works better for you

BPS

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186707#Comment_186707

Yes my wife knows it is our grand daughter and the only time she is around is when she comes over with her parents and siblings so asking her not to come would be hard since the family is the only support that I have. They come over once every week or so, so my son can see his mother and we can see the grandkids. My only thought was since see is delusional about me having an affair I can deal with that but I really have a hard time with the idea that she may verbally attack our grand daughter. My wife is going to be mad at me anyway so I want to protect the innocent and still get the support I need and be able to see all his kids. I still would not admit to something I didn't do but if I could change her focus to me and an imaginary person to protect my grand daughter. I don't know if it is possible to redirect a delusion.

Iris L.

BPS, I don't know. This question might warrant its own thread, about redirecting a delusion. You could get more responses.

Iris