Lessons from caregiver getting covid

ktwbc

So I was a "covid unicorn" -- someone who had managed to make it 3 1/2 years without ever actually getting covid, until DH and I flew to Denver for my birthday and that was my gift to myself :-(

So I've been isolating in a second bedroom in our condo since Friday night, while dealing with role reversal and you might imagine it hasn't been going particularly well. We're using our phones a lot to talk to each other and we spent 20 minutes yesterday morning with me walking him through making microwave oatmeal step by step. My sister went shopping and got some heat and eat meals from the grocery store, which worked out okay except he turned on the wrong part of the double oven which he felt bad about. He's just so nervous about making a mistake and having me judge him I guess, he's terrified of making a mistake and I'm not sure how to deal with that.

I have been surprised though about the "unintentional cues" that I guess I give off to help him, which became more obvious once I was isolated. For example, because I'm working from home every day, I stop at noon to go fix lunch and he fixes a sandwich or soup for himself at about the same time. I guess me doing that reminded him to eat, because yesterday he seemed to be more out of it and I finally realized he hadn't eaten lunch by 4pm. I realized how much of my routine was triggering his routine without me even saying anything, I was just assuming he was hungry and eating lunch too.

I'm supposed to go to a work conference in December, and the plan had been to just have my family drop off all his meals, but now I'm not even sure that's going to be enough. My brother's family has a spare bed in their house and I thought briefly about just having him stay there, but they're a young couple with a toddler and the energy in their house may be just a bit chaotic for him especially for a week. So I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess a silver lining is at least I'm finding this out now instead of when I was actually out of state.

Ed1937

Sorry covid is getting in the way. I hope you feel better soon. The first thing you have to consider is safety. That has to be number one on the list. Maybe it would be good to look into possible respite at a MCF or something similar? Or depending on where he is in progression, maybe the week with your brother will work well?

ktwbc

My parents and sister also live nearby (my sister lives with my parents to help in the house, they don’t have mental issues just helps run the household) but I talked with my sister and she said they were already realizing too he need to not be left alone for that long, so looking at having him stay over there. Certainly would make me feel better.

SDianeL

So sorry you got COVID! But it may have been a blessing so you can see how his needs have changed. If he turned on the wrong oven he should never be left alone. Can he use the phone to call for help? Would he even know to call? How I learned I could no longer leave my DH alone, was when a nurse evaluation our needs, asked him what he would do if a fire broke out in our apartment. He thought a very long time and said "I guess I would try to put it out" ... not I would get out, not that I would call 911. That scared the crap out of me. I knew he couldn't use the phone anymore but hadn't thought about his lack of reasoning. She waited awhile and asked him again, is there anything else you would do and he again thought a long time and said... no. I never left him alone after that. I also got a medical alert button that I can use if anything happens to him or me. He won't be able to use it though. Better to be safe than sorry. Hope you feel better soon!