Name calling, accusations,

TerrificWeber

I know this has probably been discussed before, but my partner continues to accuse me of having a guy friend (or 26 guy friends). Accuses me of undressing in front of guys. Accused me of having sex with the wait staff at one of our favorite restaurants. Accused me of having sex with the plumber in our basement. Tells me to go get my guy. Then it's the name calling -- bitch and more. I'm not sure if some of this treatment is dementia or if he just hates me. When he gets these friend ideas in his head, he become very angry. Very upsetting to see and deal with. Again, I guess I'm mostly venting, but being accused of having sex with the wait staff was going a bit far. I've denied any boyfriend or other accusations. Recently went out of town, and was accused of having my "friend" stay in the room next door. This was after having a very pleasant evening at the theater. I'm reluctant to go anywhere now.

Ed1937

Accusations of infidelity are common. Unfortunately, this is part of dementia. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I know it's hard. Many of us have dealt with it, or are dealing with it now.

Dio

It's really painful to hear and even harder to ignore. We are human and emotions are already so frayed in 24/7 caregiving. But you somehow have to react to his accusations as if he had said to you, "You are green." It's even harder to play along without admitting guilt. Try responding with "I'm so sorry that's what you think" followed with something like "I love you. And I know you love me." Hopefully, this phase will pass soon.

TerrificWeber

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https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186040#Comment_186040

I've tried the "I'm sorry you feel that away" "I'm sorry that's what you think" and it doesn't really register with him. Some days I just feel like he hates me. Today is my birthday and he's talking about the guys at the restaurant.

Denise1847

Call the doctor and see if he can prescribe something to help with this. I am so sorry as it is difficult enough without enduring accusations.

M1

Agree that medication is likely necessary. Preoccupation with sexual infidelity is very common and unpleasant for everyone involved.

TerrificWeber

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186057#Comment_186057

He is on LexaproI 2.5 mg and also prescribed quetiapine Fumarate 25 mg (1/2 tab 3 times a day) by his neuropsychiatrist. However, the quetiapine fumarate sates on the prescription -- There may be a slightly increased risk of serious, possibly side effects (such as stroke, heart failure, fast/irregular heartbeat, pneumonia) when this medication is used by older adults with dementia. This medication is not approved for treatment of dementia-related behavior problems" He has vascular dementia (mini-strokes that we didn't know he had), has sight in only one eye, cataract surgery several years ago, had quadruple bypass several years ago. I'm reluctant to add this drug to his regimen. We do have an appointment with his regular internist tomorrow so will discuss this with him. Thank you!

SDianeL

As others have stated, this is common behavior in Dementia or Alzheimer's. My DH who has never been jealous in his life, recently told me that my 89 year old Step-Dad is my "boyfriend" -- they also confabulate and make up things. He told my daughter that I gave my Step-Dad $9000 for his birthday. My DH also called me a bitch the other day. Remember, it's not about you, it's the disease talking. I like what Dio said. React as if he said you were "green" -- I usually ask a question and redirect him if I can. Also continue to have them adjust his meds. The VA told me that a Geriatric Psychiatrist is the best physician to manage their medications.

M1

The quetiapine is generic for seroquel-all of the atypical antipsychotics carry that "black box" warnjng, yet it is the drug that is likely to help quell these behaviors the most. I would encourage you to try it. You can start with one dose per day at bedtime, then add a second dose in the mornjng, then a third dose if needed. Even 25 mg three times a day is still a very small dose, up to 300 to 400 mg per day are used in schizophrenia for instance. My partner takes 50 mg at bedtime and there are many others here who use it very successfully.

ghphotog

My DW accuses me of having multiple girlfriends all the time. She still thinks I'm a stud and can have any woman I want and thinks I do :) I'm too short to be a stud I keep telling her. :) and besides "I already have a girlfriend and that's you". That registers for about 1 minute. She doesn't know we are married any longer and if I tell her she will be glad but forget again soon. I've heard that friendly hugs between friends can very easily be interpreted as something more so I'm a bit more careful with that.

Hang in there but be ready to get out if he get's overly jealous and threatening.

TerrificWeber

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186274#Comment_186274

Thank you - yes I've talked to his primary care doctor, and he said it is a warning, but some dementia patients need this drug and he did suggest starting at night. Thank you.