Managing money

Ljschiff58

My mom is approximately at level 5 Alz. Her brother who she hangs with every day drives her anywhere she wants to go. My problem; my mom goes to her bank at least 4 days a week. At the bank she will regularly withdraw $50–100 at a time. For example it is 10/20, she has withdrawn $900. How can I stop this action?

M1

First of all, get her brother to stop taking her to the bank. More importantly, she needs to not have access to a debit, ATM, or credit card, and you likely need to freeze her credit with all three agencies. Do you have power of attorney for her and/or are you a signatory on her bank account? You probably need both of these measures, and if you do not have them, make an appointment to see a certified elder law attorney right away. You can give her small amount of cash to keep in her wallet but she should not be making any withdrawals or paying any bills.

You may need to talk to your uncle and come up with a lie to tell her...the ATM is closed, the bank is closed, there is road work that it blocking access...whatever it takes. If you have a personal relationship with someone at the bank, that may help--call them and discuss. If you have POA you may be able to place a withdrawal limit.

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Wilted Daughter

Hi Ljschiff58,

I feel for you! When the time came to take control of mom's finances it was a strategic move that had to be implemented in parts. While she was still driving there was no stopping her...so we addressed her license (it was time for her to stop driving anyway). She was still making transactions over the phone, so I had to speak with the bank, put in place some barriers and alerts (my name was on the account, no check ordering, no phone transactions, fraud alerts, etc.). I continued to take her to the bank, but after she was obviously confused with how much money she was asking for and counting, etc. that was the next issue to address.

It was NOT easy but we stopped taking her, she could not drive, nor call a cab (I limited the amount of money she had in her purse), and informed neighbors not to take her to the bank.

It was a process with lots of guilt, back lash, verbal intimidation, etc., but it had to be done to avoid losing money and becoming a victim of fraud.

Hope this helps and I hope that your journey in this situation goes more smoothly than mine.

eaglemom

This can be very tricky. Do you know what she's doing with the money that she's withdrawing? Meaning, does she just want money in her purse? Or is she giving it away to strangers? Clearly, unless she has limitless funds, this action needs to be stopped.

Is your name on her accounts? If not that needs to happen pronto. Then I'd limit her excess to larger amounts of money. One of my friends mom always told everyone "I'm just like a dried up old grape, and my money is the same, dried up." My mom was more blunt when telemarketers called "my daughter has all my money, call her" and she'd hang up on them. Now that wasn't true, but it made her feel in control of her money.

You need to be on top of this situation immediately. Its lovely her brother drives her around, he just need not drive her to the bank or an ATM.

eagle

Brens Daughter

Hi, have all moms utilities on auto pay and I am poa and I take care of her checking account she is always worried about money and asking for it I tell her money has to carry over to next month for bills and her health insurance she may get mad sometimes but she gets over it and calms down in a bit hope this helps someone .God bless you and god bless you parent much love, Jen

Brens Daughter

I also wanted to add after stepdad passed last year, we had to add my name to her checks so i can write checks for her and draw out money for her .I pay for groceries she pays utilities hubby and i have our own home but live with her and taking care of her.I think she is in stage 6 now

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