Practicing Detachment in Caregiving

Wilted Daughter

Hello,

I am the only child/solo caregiver for 91 yr old mother with Dementia/multiple health issues, I am the emotional, hands on, engaged type who does all things to full throttle. This approach does not work when dealing with aging in general and dementia in particular.

I have to learn how to detach from the caregiving role and emotional detachment in general to self preserve (seeking a balance). Too many emotions from lack of rest/peace of mind, living the your job, too many responsibilities, not being where I want to be, etc. is not healthy or sustainable.

Mom's condition can not be changed so I have to reframe my perception. It's a bad situation for me but I want to make it better.

dancsfo

I realize it's tough to be an only child and caregiver. It it hard to do when dealing with your own LO, but perhaps you can approach this by pretending you are doing it in a professional way for a stranger (i.e. not for your own mother), going through a set of tasks and responses. Perhaps you can hire a professional temporarily and see how they do it.

This may create some reframing. Of course, you may need to update the tasks as the dementia and health condition continues to change.

Wilted Daughter

Exactly! Recently, I have decided to view this whole experience as a "job" and utilize all my professional, personal experiences to complete set caregiving tasks. The house is not a home it's viewed by me as a business (personal SNF). I have to fashion it it a way that makes sense, helps me to achieve goals while keeping me intact.

Thank you so much!!!😊

Anonymousjpl123

It’s so so helpful for me to read these posts. Thank you for this.

@Wilted Daughter i am sorry you are facing so much. But it makes me feel less alone. We do the best we can to cobble things together for our parents, and it always feels not enough, and yet we move forward. I’m trying to believe I will learn something from this. I hope so.

LaurelMac

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66813/practicing-detachment-in-caregiving

I can relate to how you’re feeling. I got a lot of good suggestions from online forums like this one and Instagram, but caregiving places enormous demands on your time, even if you figure out ways to make it easier. One thing that helped me lately is to use humor with my mom when she gets ornery or anxious and it lightens the mood.

Wilted Daughter

What I've learned in the 4 yrs of caregiving is that it's 'piecemeal work' with set tasks that may happen in any order/time. I'm learning not to be too rigid and (this may sound selfish) do what makes sense and best for me. Working in your home should be less taxing. Mom is the employer but she cannot make decisions nor provide proper guidance or instructions (it is what it is). I cannot do it all PCA, House Maintenance/Manager, Champion, etc. so I work with my strong suits and go from there.

I need to focus on balancing my breaks. Right now it's all work no play/no jokes.

Thank you so much for your comments.