Anger

asbmusic06

Hello everyone.My name is Ashley.I am my grandmother’s caregiver.She has undiagnosed dementia.She has all the signs and symptoms.We actually go next months for diagnosis.I am 35 finishing my degree and I care for her alone.My mom is in a rehabilitation facility because of major mobility issues and I ensure she is taken care of as well.I have several uncles that could help but they have thrown the responsibility of taking care of their mother on me.Im beyond angry and I can’t get very impatient sometimes.This weekend was one of those times.Mentally drained.I know I need support of people that experience/d what I am.

M1

Welcome to the forum Ashley. I am also angry for you that your uncles have put you in this position. Who holds power of attorney for your grandmother? That is the person who should be responsible for her care. Are you living with her, and are you being compensated for the care you provide? Are you being provided free room and board? What would you be doing if you weren't caring for her?

asbmusic06

Thank you for responding.No one has power of attorney.I have the papers drawn up I just haven’t gotten them signed by myself and her.She can still make decisions for the most part.Its like I want them to be forced to make a decision if it comes to that.She lives with me.I get nothing for caring for her.I woild still be stuck here if I weren’t taking care of her because my mom is in the nursing home.But I would be able to take care of my mental health better if I were not caring for her.

M1

Others will respond too im sure. You may want to call the free Alzheimer's connected hotline that's listed on this site-they are available 24/7 for advice.

I agree that you should have her power of attorney if you are going to be the primary caregiver, but you need to think long and hard about whether you are in a position to take this on. You can always tell your uncles that she can no longer live with you, but im sure you want to think through those consequences also. It sounds like they are willing to take advantage of your good nature, and you need to figure out what it will take to break that cycle.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

asbmusic06

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186282#Comment_186282

I’ve contemplated that so many times.But then guilt over takes me.She raised me as her own.But it’s only one of me and 6 of them. I have went through the disappointment phase,feelings hurt phase,abandonment phase and now I’m at the rage phase.I feel forced because she did so much for me.But at the same time I feel that it’s unfair.Im trying to make the right decisions for myself as well as what’s best for her.Id never forgive myself if she’s mistreated.

asbmusic06

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186294#Comment_186294

Hi.I think the fact that I’m almost done with my degree has some to do with what I’m feeling.I have to think about my internship.It will be impossible for me to work,take care of her and do my 500 hours I have to complete.Oh no they aren’t dumb at all.They are very selfish and self righteous.Its 6 of them and one of me.I will finish my degree and it will be used.Im not getting any younger.One way or another their hands will be forced.Thanks for the information I’m definitely going to use the resource.

Anonymousjpl123

Hi @asbmusic06 I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s very overwhelming and it sounds like you’ve done a great job stepping in for your grandmother and being clear where your boundaries end. I would highly recommend calling the ALZ hotline here - 800-272-3900. I called them several times when my mom was first experiencing bad symptoms of dementia and they helped enormously! They were able to share a lot of helpful resources, and give me perspective on what to expect. Especially since she does have children, and you are the grandchild, and your mom is disabled, you are right to reach out for help. I’m glad you found this site! But I would also recommend finding some in person supports. They may have a counseling center at your school. They may not only be able to find resources for your family but for you as well. If you get stuck, call the hotline. They will talk it through with you.

asbmusic06

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186322#Comment_186322

Thank you.I definitely need to know what other resources are out there.Ill definitely be using that number.

LaurelMac

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186303#Comment_186303

I find it really hard to balance job and caregiving responsibilities, even with support and a well established career. It’s really important that it doesn’t impact your time, finances and health when her own children could be shouldering the responsibility. Your situation is unfair and their may be resources out there to help you advocate for yourself.

asbmusic06

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186343#Comment_186343

It’s absolutely hard.Im struggling mentally,financially, and stress level is through the roof. I took off almost 6 months of the year this year because my mom went into rehabilitation and my grandmother had to have a lace maker put in.It all happened at once and I was so overwhelmed and I still am.