Mom won’t go to a Doctor

49rtim

Hi- I’m new to this board and to the reality that most likely my Mom is in the early stages of dementia. I live out of state from her and my father. For years my Mother refuses to go to a Doctor. She says that she’s afraid they will find something terribly wrong with her. She won’t admit it but she obviously struggles with severe health anxiety. Presently she is showing symptoms of dementia. My Father has never been able to get her to a Doctor except months ago when she had a kidney stone. He had to practically drag her to the ER. We need to somehow get her diagnosed or at least get her tested for any illness. Does anyone have any tips on how to convince or “trick” my Mother to get her much needed medical care?

smaggiemae

I am going through something similar right now, and it is very difficult. My mom has so much anxiety around the dementia she has admitted she feels, but she refuses to see a doctor for a diagnosis because she is not able to face letting go of her denial. Both of her parents had Alz, and I think after watching them go through it, it's been hard for her to admit she might be looking at the same decline. Here to follow along with any potential suggestions from others.

rogertn

> @49rtim said:
> Hi- I’m new to this board and to the reality that most likely my Mom is in the early stages of dementia. I live out of state from her and my father. For years my Mother refuses to go to a Doctor. She says that she’s afraid they will find something terribly wrong with her. She won’t admit it but she obviously struggles with severe health anxiety. Presently she is showing symptoms of dementia. My Father has never been able to get her to a Doctor except months ago when she had a kidney stone. He had to practically drag her to the ER. We need to somehow get her diagnosed or at least get her tested for any illness. Does anyone have any tips on how to convince or “trick” my Mother to get her much needed medical care?

This one is a tough one. Try taking her to do something she loves first, like lunch, walking or shopping. Then, say we have one more quick stop to make & take her to the appointment. She might respond better to then than you. After the appointment express how proud you are if her and reward her with something she enjoys like ice cream or cake, etc.

HannahPK

I’m going through something similar. However, I was able to get her to go to doctor appointments for a while when they were to rule out any possible medical causes for the memory issues. Now that we have ruled out what we can medically & need to move onto neurological assessments she refuses to go to the doctor for anything. My suggestion is when you do finally get her into the doctor, get them to take care of as much as possible in just one appointment. And, I agree that a reward afterwards may make the experience have a better, more positive association.

terei

some people have had luck telling the PWD that they MUST get a Dr appointment or Medicare will be cancelled.

GemsWinner12

Terei has a good idea; I told my mom that I was notified that she needed a general checkup. Just routine for her age. When I went in with her I wrote a note to the MD to keep the dementia questions casual. My Mom did become agitated when asked the questions, and your mom might as well. It’s because she didn’t know most of the answers and couldn’t draw a clock . She was already in stage 4-5 and it was difficult for me to absorb, too. It was a wake up call for me that she needed memory care for safety and financial protection. She was getting scammed left and right. Dealership charged her four grand to tune up a perfectly fine 15 year old Toyota. Someone ( a neighbor, salesman, or handyman?) had stolen coins. Best wishes and virtual hugs to you for caring and please keep us updated.