Overwhelmed and adjusting

gabby_0789

Hello, my mom was diagnosed with MCI vs early stages dementia. She’s 59. I would describe her to still have most of her independence but the dr has asked her to stop driving. She’s also got into trouble at work and idk if she should stop working. Working I feel keeps her in routine and I feel it would make her depressed if she does stop working. I’m still in denial I don’t want to believe my mom will get worse. I haven’t Even begun the research. Are there any suggestions on first steps to take for a caregiver to take? Is there medication to prolong the process? Is it possible that it will not progress and that she doesn’t end up with Alzheimer’s?

M1

Welcome to the forum. Others will chime in, but you need to take immediate steps, including possibly consulting an attorney, so that she does not get fired from her job for poor performance and thereby forfeit any retirement and disability benefits she may have. That is critical for her long-term financial wellbeing. This will probably involve filing for short-term disability immediately, but there are other folks on the forum who have more expertise than i do.

dancsfo

Consider talking to someone at the Alzheimer's Association Helpline (see number at top of https://www.alz.org/)

Also consider watching some videos and read what is available at https://www.alz.org/alzheimer_s_dementia. This may give you some basic information as you continue talking to people, reading this forum and using other resources.

I agree with @M1 that an attorney and dealing with financial well-being may be a good first step, and it looks like you are already seeing a physician who diagnosed her, so they may be able to work with you on filing for disability, if appropriate.

I can't say if medication can help with you mom specifically, but there are recent medical treatments, diet, and other things that may help. https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/treatments

There's lots of helpful people in these forums, but do cast a wide net talking to social agencies, and other resources.

Belle

The recommendation to help her stop working before she is fired is a good idea. She may be able to retain some benefits like health insurance and/or some retirement pay if she retires early. Also please look into SSDI, if she has been paying into social security during her career. Given her age and a diagnosis of memory impairment she should qualify for benefits. You may want to start looking into programs for her like senior day care or some type of easy volunteer opportunity to keep her busy and interacting with people once she stops working.

harshedbuzz

@gabby_0789

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but glad you found this place.

Your first order of business needs to be getting her on disability. I would contact and employment lawyer if there's a retirement package at risk-- pension, healthcare, etc. can be lost if she's fired for cause. If you don't already have the legal paperwork to act on her behalf, get that taken care of as well.

HB

rosecoloredglasses

Welcome! My mom is also 59, and adjusting to not working and not being able to drive has been the hardest bit for her so far. I've found that changing the perspective helps with that initial anxiety. Instead of "You're not allowed to drive anymore," you can frame it as "You always have a personal driver now! You're like a celebrity with a chauffeur!" If she shouldn't be working anymore, you can give her other small tasks to do at home. Of course within what's safest for her and everyone else, things like doing a few dishes that are left in the sink, taking out a bag of garbage, making a list of any medications for her that she can check off daily, etc. So she can feel like she has some control over some things in her life. Giving them things to control is important while they feel like everything has spun out. Either way it will take time for her, and yourself, to adjust to this new reality. Most of all, be sure to give both of you and anyone else who's involved the love and grace you all deserve.

gabby_0789

Thank you to everyone who responded and provided help. I will be sure to start looking into all of this. We found out that she’s been having difficulty at work and has made many mistakes. Saturday was the most difficult and she quit. I’m meeting with my siblings today to figure out next steps. I’m scared and I know my mom is too, but I will do everything in my power to stay strong so that she has a happy life.