Why the PWD cannot handle Questions

AlzWife2023

I’ve been reading that PWD cannot handle questions. I can see this in my DH. He does not know how to respond or says something that is not true. It’s a really astounding thing b/c it cuts off so much of the verbal communication you’d normal have & highlights the PWD’s passivity and disability/dependency. I’m just assimilating this into my permanent understanding now. A lot of people post about fights or confusion when asking “simple questions” and I think that’s because it’s really hard for the caregiver to understand what’s going on in the PWD’s brain. It’s also hard to break the habit of asking questions & to accept that your loved one, especially a partner, cannot contribute anymore. Wondering if anyone knows why this happens in the brain & what stage this typifies.

mommyandme (m&m)

I found this article which was quite interesting, may help. Also it says that the comprehension issues are often in the middle stages. Before reading this I was going to say sounds like later stage 5 to me. The language issues were very difficult for me at times.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3104619/

housefinch

Excellent article above. This is similar to what I’ve had to do with my children, who both have autism. They are both verbal, but just because someone can say words aloud doesn’t mean they can process the information their ears hear at the speed we all can. I spent years very frustrated and angry with my poor kids before I understood this. Now I have changed how I communicate with them, and everyone is much happier. For reference, our son is academically gifted and yet this communication difficulty persists and is hard to demonstrate with a standard “test.”

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66880/why-the-pwd-cannot-handle-questions

Being unable to communicate with your LO is the most difficult realities. I miss being able to discuss things or reminisce. Someone posted this and it helped me so much. I use it to document my DH's behaviors to communicate to his doctors. I send them updates about once a month as things change. https://tala.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts.pdf

Iris L.

I don't know why, but I can give an example. In the early years of my illness, I could not make decisions. If I were asked, for example, "do you want potatoes or rice?", I could not answer. My mind would think: "potatoes-rice-potatoes-rice-potatoes-rice-potatoes-rice..." and on for quite some time. Other peoplewould become upset at the prolonged delay over simple questions. It was like this for everything. My life was in TURMOIL, because I couldn't understand why I could not make a simple decision. The article mentioned impairment in short term memory. (I think, now I can't remember.) Anyway, it was very bad for me. Now I am a bit better, thanks to my memory meds and to Best Practices and to treatment for sleep apnea and a host of other diseases.

In general, give up asking questions, it's too hard and too draining for your LO. Use declarative sentences. Choose what you think they would like. Make their lives easier and less stressful. These are my suggestions.

Iris

AlzWife2023

Thanks for all your responses & links. I am learning to avoid questions because they are so uncomfortable. I find myself asking and answering: Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat? Then I say: I'll male you a sandwich. It would be better for me to just make the sandwich, but habits can be persistent. At least I'm not expecting him to make decisions, and I am not getting sad/mad when I forget and ask him a question. Mostly when I reply for him, he's satisfied. Also, sometimes he can answer.

Iris L., thank you for the insight. It is incredibly helpful!

PS Physical touch is so powerful. Just sitting together really relaxes him and makes him feel understood, I think.

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186905#Comment_186905

Iris L., thank you for the insight. It is incredibly helpful!