Weird night: Pull-up on head, pee on me, "why'd you hit me?"

ButterflyWings

OK, so technically it is early morning, but when I closed my eyes, it was last night. Forgive the rambling, but you all know there's no one else who could possibly understand what I'm about to tell you.

We are sleeping on the couch. Foot to head (sort of). Chux liners on his side of course. Mainly because this helps him incline a bit instead of sleeping flat on his back, since I'm trying to keep his asthma & wheezing under control and sitting up helps.

So that helps you understand how the warm, wet wake up call on my toes happened. Yes, many nights I hear the rustling of incontinence briefs as he readjusts things in his sleep. And I readjust them back so "things" are still aimed downward in his briefs, not up toward the waistband, or out the side of the leg opening. Well, I missed the audible alert this time -- slept through it in my exhausted state and...well...yeah.

Spent the next 30 minutes wrestling him up off the couch to get changed and it was an adventure. Sometimes he's cooperative and we're done in 5-10 minutes. This time, he could not understand why I was yanking on him (getting him to stand after multiple attempts), pulling his pants down, grabbing the wet stuff out of his hands as he tried to retrieve and spread the soaked chux back on the couch cushion (!) etc.

Sigh. I might have even yelled "cut it out" at one point, which is not our typical experience. Maybe it felt like a fight to him. If so, he won :) but at least I got his wet pants off, clean dry skin after adult wipes quick wipe down, and new briefs plus liner in place, and new chux on the miraculously dry cushion just before he insisted on sitting/lying back down and refusing any more clothes. Fine. Blanket on and let's get back to sleep.

Except I can't. The WWF adrenalin of getting him on his feet, sponged down and changed against his will, has me wide awake. DH on the other hand is sleeping soundly already. While I collected and threw the wet chux and briefs remnants away I see he's put a pair of clean pull-ups on his head. Over his face, to keep the light out I guess. Snoring gently, apparently totally comfortable. Until I bump his foot as I lie back down hoping to relax again finally. He raises the corner of his makeshift hat/face covering and says "You hit me. Why did you hit me?"

Poor baby. He really must have thought we were tusseling a few minutes ago (well, we were, but not "fighting"). I said "I'm sorry", it was an accident, I bumped you -- didn't mean to hit your foot". Patted it gently and he accepted that. I dare not try to take the pull-up off his head. Just gonna leave well enough alone on this weird, wacky night or early morning. Hopefully we will both wake up on the right side of the bed (couch) in a few hours.

Thanks for listening. I'm imagining the look on my face when someone asks me "how was your weekend" in a day or so. I'll just say "great". They couldn't possibly understand the things we do for love.

harshedbuzz

I hope today is a better day.

You're right, I don't think those not in the trenches would believe your story.

I wonder if a furniture cover for the couch would be a good idea if he's sleeping there routinely. Would it be possible to elevate the head of the bed on risers for the breathing issues?

HB

ButterflyWings

@harshedbuzz Thanks for the well wishes and wise suggestions.

Yes it seems like its about time for a waterproof furniture cover. The large chux have been great, but they can slide or move around. I also thought maybe the Bucks & Bucks onsies recommended here, so he can't move things around in his sleep.

We have tried elevating the head of the bed, and even using the hospital bed hospice has provided...for whenever we get to that point of immobility. But even when the head of a bed is tilted or elevated, he just scoots down far enough to lie flat and then coughs and wheezes a blue streak. Even goes so far as to scoot down then props his legs up on the footboard and lets his feet hang off the edge of the frame. (Looks very uncomfortable, but he does that without fail in the bed, no matter how many pillows I try to put behind him, or how tilted we make the mattress). Hence the couch with pillows propped behind him and the side arm keeping him partly upright -- with me on the other end to prevent him scooting down and lying flat. This isn't needed always, but when necessary it really helps.

The Broda chair inclines at a perfect 45 degree angle recommended by his pulmonary Dr and hospice nurse, but there is no seatbelt (they said its a restraint so not allowed in the facilities they furnish) so he can still climb out of it if I'm sleeping too soundly, and I don't want him to fall or go walkabout.

Ed1937

What a night! I'm sorry. You're right when you say the uninitiated can't understand just what goes on with this disease.

I'm not familiar with a broda chair, but I wonder if you could use a gait belt as a seat belt by putting it all the way around the back of the chair, or if that's even a good idea? Gait belts are pretty long, and if needed, you could probably tie two together.

ButterflyWings

Hey there Ed. Gait belt. I don't know. Maybe.

I don't think I'd sleep much if I did that. If something was anchored to the chair itself, like in cars, I'd feel comfortable that he wouldn't manage to get tangled in it somehow or get it around his neck, or ankle or something and fall.

The chair we have from hospice is a narrow recliner, padded and covered in vinyl for easy wipedown and sanitizing. Very comfortable and he likes it fine, often used to sleep in it, but since he's pretty strong and mobile it is possible for him to exit the room from that chair, even with me sleeping in the bed next to it.

That chair got us through the hardest months of his breathing issues last year and was a godsend when he was super immobile after a fall and other downturn. But it still doesn't solve the wee hours (pun intended!) wet clothes issue if/when he readjusts himself for comfort in the night, and then the next incontinence episode bypasses his brief. I may try Buck and Buck for that.

M1

Makes me laugh and cry at the same time BW.

ladyzetta

BF. You handled that like a pro. It had to have put a smile on your face when you saw his new hat. Hugs Zetta

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186864#Comment_186864

Oh boy! I know how you feel. Had a few episodes like that but without the briefs on his head. LOL. I bought an alarm to put beside my DH's side of the bed so I will be alerted when he wakes. Haven't used it yet because he's been sleeping better. There are also pads you can put in the chair to let you know if he gets up. I got this one for by the bed. https://www.alzstore.com/door-alarm-sensor-kit-p/0070.htm

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66881/weird-night-pull-up-on-head-pee-on-me-whyd-you-hit-me

OMG, If I didn't know better, I would think you were making this up. That was some night. I hope you get rest. Sounds like you are a wonderful caregiver, and your DH is blessed to have you.

harshedbuzz

A seat belt is considered a restraint and would be a no-go in any facility. Is he at home? My concern would be that he could slip and get wrapped up or strangled by any restraint if not actively supervised.

They do make pommel seat cushions that can make getting out of a Broda less likely. Maybe that's an answer if he'd be happy to sleep in the chair.

Pommel Seat Cushion online (medicalproductssupply.com)

ButterflyWings

Thanks HB, yes, he is at home. The couch is pretty long and works fine for temporary respiratory needs, plus it ensures that I will wake up if he tries to get up. Otherwise he's ok in either the bed (needs my help to get out) or recliner.

I mainly need to get his night-time underwear-adjusting under control. It doesn't happen every night but most nights yes. I think as his brief starts to fill up and expand after a few hours overnight, he probably feels the puffiness/pressure and just naturally tries to readjust things to be more comfortable. He doesn't even wake up when he does that, but if I don't hear the rustling of his fiddling with the incontinence briefs alerting me to point things back where they are supposed to be...waterworks will result. Meaning his pants, the tail of his shirt, and possibly part of the bed covers get soaked, so it requires more than just a quick midnight change of underwear/diaper/briefs+ liner pad.

Maybe there's a onesie that opens in the back only. Stay tuned.

Howaboutnow

Harshedbuzz- that seat cushion is interesting and might be helpful here sometime. Thanks for linking it.

CStrope

I'm thinking the briefs on the head were just part of his halloween costume!! Getting ready a couple days early!

Kibbee

@ButterflyWings I have the same problem with DH. He will sometimes adjust or push his underwear down in front, and then everything gets wet - clothes, underpad and bedding. I’ve considered trying the onesie outfits from Buck and Buck. (There’s another company that makes a similar product .. I think called Sleeper Keeper.). What is holding me back is that DH cannot dress without help, and I would have to wrestle my tall, bed bound and somewhat immobile DH into and out of these multiple times a day. Would love to hear from others who have tried these products, especially if their LO needs dressing assistance. How easy or difficult is it to get these on / off a grown person, who may not want to or cannot understand how to cooperate with the process?

toolbeltexpert

Bf I laughed and cried, and folks ask how's it going great, yep. My dw is going into bm incontinence and the other morning I arrive and go to her room and she is in the bathroom just standing there and I knew something was up and upon further examination, yep soiled underwater, she been resistant to pull-ups. So I start cleaning and as I am cleaning she let's loose again and said, I" I got another Shot." Sure enough it's about 5 minutes to get her 3 feet and on the toilet as she keeps pulling up the soiled underwater i am trying with one hand trying to keep them down and then another 10 finishing another Shot. I get the pull-ups and clean up. Finally off to Breakfast. Only a caregiver gets it. Somehow I have picked up the ability to just not let the smell get me.

Bf your a great caregiver.

Babz0226

My DH is touching stage 7, I have handled things ok and he does listen to me. I worry so much about the incontinence issue right now I help him just with bm wiping. What is the best way to clean a man with a diaper pull up or tabs just trying to prepare myself my crazy mind always trying to have things ready to go. Any thoughts would be so helpful for some reason I hope I can do this I want to keep him home with me if possible.