I’m back

Buggsroo

I keep promising to keep up with these discussions but sadly am not doing as well as I would like vis a vis my news.

My husband is still in hospital and the good news is that he likes it there. The hospital has set up a mini long term care home within the hospital. The nurses, personal support workers are all lovely to him. He answers when spoken to but barely recognizes me but does answer the nurses.

I go once a week and it seems to be ok for him. He sort of knows who I am but is barely verbal. They take him into the garden room, a place full of plants. He loves it there.

Last week I asked him if he would like a hug, his face broke out in a familiar expression of ‘should we’ and I burst out laughing. It was great to hug him. I asked him if he liked it where he was and he said yes.

Here in Ontario we have a go-pay situation so I will be charged what he would pay in a home. I am ok about it, they do such a good job.

I don’t cry as much as I used to but I miss who he was. The tears are so close to the surface. His big blue eyes stare out at me, maybe he remembers a bit. I will take what I can get.

I have my life back but I still gingerly go along. I find myself jabbering to people, the house is quiet, me and the cats and the radio. Grief is a strange creature, stalking me. I sleep too much, don’t eat too much. I suppose I just have to keep going, one foot in front of the other. I have lost a lot of weight, happy with this but I wish he could see me now, really see me. I know it is futile to wish for things like this, but I will get back into the light.

i hope that Jo is ok and M1, Butterfly Wings, Toolbox and White Crane and Battle Buddy, thanks for having my back, I really appreciate it.

M1

Glad to hear from you, it sounds like a bit of equilibrium. I know about the house being too quiet. Yes indeed, a day at a time.

Joe C.

Good to see your post. Sounds like your husband is being well cared for and you are doing OK. It is very hard/lonely following placement. One foot in front of the other is the best thing we can do somedays.

Mint

Good to hear from you. One day at a time is what I say now too.

Ed1937

Buggs, it's great to hear from you. I think there are more positives than negatives in your post, and I'm glad for that. It's huge that he likes the place. Count that as a big win!

Kibbee

I’m glad to hear things have worked out for your husband, and that you are getting your feet back under you. One day at a time, that’s all we can do.

Beachfan

Welcome back, Buggs, if only for an occasional “drive by”. I miss your “poo” stories, although I’m sure you don’t! It’s nice to hear that your DH is safe and settling in. I am just shy of 2 years in placement and 6 months since DH passed. I, too, am heading back into the light, trying to accept that it will never, ever be light enough again. One day at a time; you can do this. Bless you.

LadyTexan

Thank you for the update. God bless you.

Joydean

Buggsroo good to hear from you. The garden room sounds like a wonderful place. I remember you talking about all the plants your husband grew so it’s no wonder he enjoys them. The smile in his eyes with the hug brought tears to my eyes. Take care of yourself!

Buggsroo

Thank you all for responding and thank you for your caring messages. I really appreciate it. The only poo I deal with now is the odd wayward turd lucked out of the cat box. I smile ruefully and laugh a bit, inwardly thanking my lucky stars that I am no longer pulling turds out of sink drains. Wait…there is a silver lining.

White Crane

Hi Buggsroo, it’s so good to hear from you. I was just thinking about you a couple of days ago and wondering how you were doing. Thanks for the update. It sounds like your husband is being well taken care of. And it sounds like you are starting to get your life back. You’ve been through a lot. Wishing you lots of peace joy and rest. Sending big hugs.

Brenda

Dio

Buggs, so glad your husband is well taken care of at the hospital's mini long-term care home. I wish we have this in the U.S. Sadly, our laws and insurances all seem to have foresaken the care required for dementia patients. Wishing you better times and return to joy!

Battlebuddy

Good to hear from you bugsaroo.. it is a crazy world we are all living in. Yes the house is too quiet here too, but I’ve traded the stress for quiet and Peace. So it’s a trade off I’m ok with for now.

I hope you can move forward enough to eat just a little bit better, but the whole eating for one thing is a challenge here too. So I get it. I think visiting once a week sounds about right for you, and is working for him. So many adjustments we have to make. It’s just going to take time to get used to this new phase.

Elshack

Buggsaroo, I have followed your journey since you began posting and am happy to know that your DH is getting good care . I hope you can take a deep breath and get back some strength and begin to enjoy life a bit now that you know you aren't on 24/ 7 duty. I don't know how you had the mental and physical strength to take care of him as long as you did. Sending supportive (((hugs))) to you.

Jeff86

I’ve also followed your journey, Buggsroo, and remain deeply impressed with your resilience. Your DH is so very much better off than he was and, I imagine, so are you notwithstanding the considerable and challenging adjustments you have had to confront. Thinking of you as you carry on, with grace and humor.

toolbeltexpert

It's good to hear from you Buggsroo I too haven't been on as much as I was. I do understand the weight loss something I also went thru and now have gained back some and not wanting to gain anymore back!

I sounds like things have settled in and it sounds good for your dh.

Your sense of humor hasn't dull which has brought so many smiles here!

At least now the stray turds don't require such a financial committ to the clorox company.